Toddlers & Aggressive Behavior

Understand Why

• Toddlers become easily frustrated when their desire to do things exceeds their ability to do them. They want to communicate, but lack the vocabulary; they want to be independent, but lack impulse control. According to Dr. William Sears, these frustrations are easily expressed in acts of aggression. It is completely normal for toddlers to hit, scratch, bite, or act out in other ways, given their limited abilities; although, there are ways to discourage the behaviors and make living with them more enjoyable.

Provide a Toddler-Safe Environment

• When your toddler&'s day is filled with being told "no" every time she explores something inappropriate, it is easy for her to become upset by these limitations. By eliminating hazards and providing plenty of safe and fun activities for her, she can be set up to succeed in her environment--instead of always needing to be told "no." Proper childproofing is key to having a less frustrating, as well as a safer environment for your toddler.

Model Desired Behavior

• Never hit or spank your toddler, unless you wish for her to carry on that behavior with others. Just as they learn to speak by mimicking, toddlers learn their actions and behaviors by watching and modeling their parents. Show your toddler how to give nice hugs and kind pets. Be aware of what your toddler is watching on TV, as well as the behavior of her siblings and peers. Her aggressive behavior might be copied from any of those sources.

Encourage Physical Activity

• Physical activity is a necessity for all children, especially toddlers who have lots of energy to burn. By being physically active, a toddler can burn off that energy and let off steam that otherwise might build up and be expressed as aggression, when she becomes frustrated or upset. Unstructured play time outdoors is best. If you are limited by weather or other circumstances, encourage your toddler to play actively indoors in a childproofed environment.

Be Consistent

• When your toddler must be removed from a situation in which she is being the aggressor, the BabyCenter Medical Advisory Board recommends being consistent in your actions and your words. Use simple sentences like, "biting hurts and makes your friends sad," and stay near your toddler while she expresses her emotions, after the incident. Have realistic expectations for your child as well. An 18-month-old has a much different comprehension ability than does a 3-year-old; although, in either instance, their act of aggression isn&'t out of malicious intent. Rather, they are expressing themselves the only way they know how at that given moment.