How to Teach a Toddler Not to Hit
Imagine yourself in a foreign country where you don't understand language, culture or customs. In many ways, your toddler is an alien in a strange land. He hasn't developed a vocabulary adequate to express his needs, wants and feelings and is still learning the difference between appropriate and inappropriate behaviors, such as hitting. Although it may be difficult, deal with your toddler's hitting with patience and understanding. If he is in daycare, talk to his provider to ensure he receives the same discipline at home and at school.
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Keep a Journal
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For one week, carry a small journal and jot down scenarios in which your child acted out. Review the journal and look for trends. You might notice that your toddler is more likely to hit just before naps or meals when he is hungry and tired. Or, he might hit you or other children when he is in an unfamiliar place. Eliminate as many triggers as possible. For instance, you might give your toddler an extra snack or move up his nap time.
Model Appropriate Behavior
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Parents often respond to naughty behavior with a quick swat on the bottom. While immediate discipline is necessary, your toddler will be confused if you punish hitting with hitting. If your toddler becomes aggressive, be firm, but kind. Explain to your child that hitting hurts others. Ask your child to demonstrate an appropriate form of affection, such as a pat on the back or a hug.
If You Hit, You Sit
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Toddlers have very short memories, so you must respond to hitting with an immediate consequence. The website AskDr.Sears suggests a timeout taken either in the child's room or by sitting on your lap. Explain that hitting is unacceptable and that he must stop playing for a few minutes. Once the timeout is over, ask your child for an apology and a hug. Reinforcement may be useful for older toddlers, so having the other parent address the hitting infraction when he gets home from work can be helpful.
Get Silly
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Young children have little impulse control and act before they think things through. Teach your toddler self-control with a pretend act, suggests AskDrSears. Sit on the floor and play with him. When he takes a toy, pretend to get upset and angry. Then grab your hand and give it a stern talking to: "Don't hit, hand. That hurts people." Your tot might be giggling, but he's also learning that hitting is not an acceptable response.
Focus on the Positive
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Toddlers crave attention. Often times, children hit because they want to be noticed. In addition to correcting bad behavior, reward your child when he is good. Be very specific -- if you notice your toddler sharing with another child, sit down next to him and say: "I noticed how you offered the car to your friend." Give him a hug and a kiss to reinforce the good behavior.
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