How to Help a Toddler Learn Delayed Gratification

The toddler world is changing rapidly, but not fast enough for most toddlers. When a little one wants a toy, snack or even attention, she wants it now. Teaching her to wait, to delay the moment of gratification, helps your toddler learn self-control. According to a study done jointly by Columbia, Smith and Rice universities, children who learn to exercise delayed gratification before their preschool years exercised more self-control and were more goal oriented as older children. This helps children in school, sports and other important areas.

Things You'll Need

  • Toy
  • Timeout chair

Instructions

    • 1

      Practice taking turns with your child. Make a game out of the activity. For example, hand the child a stuffed bear and say, ̶0;It̵7;s your turn for the bear.̶1; Give the child a few moments to play with the toy, and then announce, ̶0;It̵7;s my turn to play with the bear.̶1; Hold out your hands for the toy. Praise her actions with a bright ̶0;Thank you̶1; when she complies. Repeat the game often. This teaches your child that waiting rewards her with praise and objects.

    • 2

      Do not give your child everything he asks for. Instead, occasionally ask the child to wait. For example, if he wants a toy from outside his reach; ask him to wait for a moment for the toy.

    • 3

      Use words, tone and gestures to ask your child to wait. For example, hold up a single finger and say the word ̶0;wait̶1; to the toddler in a firm, authoritative voice. This gives your child several cues to the behavior you desire. Even so, get ready to repeat your words and gestures many times before the child complies reliably.

    • 4

      Do not give in to any bad behavior the child may use to get what she wants. Never give in to a tantrum, yelling, crying or hitting. Instead, use a firm voice to simply tell the child ̶0;No.̶1;

    • 5

      Place the toddler in timeout if she has a tantrum. Designate a specific chair or area of the house for timeout. Make sure that it is in a public area. You do not want the child to feel shunned for bad behavior. Keep the timeout period short. A good rule of thumb is to double the child̵7;s age to determine the maximum number of minutes for timeout. So a 2-year-old can stay in timeout for up to four minutes.

    • 6

      Give your child choices when you know you must wait. When your child has a toy or activity to look forward to, he has control over what he does while he waits. This helps him develop a sense of control over himself. However, it is wise to pack an extra toy or two. Toddlers have a short attention span. When he loses interest in his choices, you can help him wait by providing a new toy or activity.

    • 7

      Model waiting for your toddler. Toddlers learn by the behavior they witness. If she sees mom and dad grumble over every red light or stop sign, she learns that complaining is normal. Instead, show her that patience is reasonable. For example, rather than grumbling when you find yourself in a long line at the store, shrug and say something like, ̶0;I guess we̵7;ll have to wait.̶1;

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