Is Bullying Atypical in Toddlers?
Bullying has become a hot topic, and parents are increasingly focused on preventing their children from being bullied, as well as keeping their children from becoming bullies themselves. This focus has shifted from older, school-aged children to toddlers and younger children in an effort to prevent small children who exhibit bullying behaviors from continuing to exhibit these behaviors in the future.
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How Toddlers Communicate
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To an extent, physically aggressive behaviors are normal for toddlers. Toddlers have limited vocabularies. This means that they are less able to express their feelings through words than are older children. As a result, toddlers often turn to physical action to demonstrate their feelings, especially when they are angry or overwhelmed. These physical actions can include pushing, biting, hitting or other unacceptable behaviors. Some children rely more on these physical gestures than others. Just like some adults are "touchers," some children are "big reactors" who are more likely to act out physically.
Toddler Bullying
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Despite the fact that toddlers can exhibit behavior that has many of the characteristics of bullying, experts disagree over whether or not a toddler can truly be a bully. Some experts, such as Josh Mandel, director of the New York University Child Center, feel that bullying behavior, such as physically aggressive behavior or verbally abusive behavior, can begin in early childhood. However, psychologist Heather Wittenberg disagrees, because the act of singling another child out and trying to selectively harass or embarrass him or her requires complex thought of which toddlers are not yet capable.
Stopping Bullying Behavior in Your Toddler
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Whether or not you believe that your toddler is a bully, you can take steps to stop physically or verbally aggressive behavior in your child. The University of Michigan Health Systems recommends having a few, clear rules. Reinforce these rules consistently and with natural consequences. For example, if your child is hitting other children during an activity or calling other children names, take her out of the activity and place her on a time out. Seek help from your toddler's pediatrician if you believe that the negative behavior is more than you can handle or if you have questions.
Preventing Your Child from Being Bullied
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As a parent, your first instinct when you believe that your toddler is being bullied is to step in and correct the other child's behavior. You may not have direct control over another child's behavior, but you can take steps to help your own child. Calmly talk to your child's caregiver, teacher or the other parent about your concerns. Then, teach your toddler to tell an adult if she feels bullied. Your toddler's limited verbal skills may limit her from expressing her feelings to the aggressive child, but you can teach her to say "don't hit" or to express displeasure.
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