How Can a Teen Girl Have a Mother-Daughter Relationship?

Set Boundaries

• The mother must establish clear expectations of acceptable behavior, tone of voice, speech and activity to set boundaries. The mother should also set and deliver consequences to the teenage daughter for not following such specifications in order to keep the balance of the relationship. Mothers should not try to befriend or console in their teenage daughters regarding adult content within the mother's life or by stooping to the fashion or conversation level of the child. Overstepping this boundary makes a daughter think she is an equal to the mother, diminishing the view of the mother as a role model and disciplinarian. This can infringe upon the degree of respect that the daughter exhibits toward the mother, which can lead to control and behavior issues that result in arguments and defiance.

Communicate

• Teen girls and their mothers should open the lines of communication by setting time aside daily to converse. Topics of discussion can include school, peers, grades, sports and subject matter of interest to both parties. This process allows mothers to stay informed and gives daughters an outlet to express both positive and negative occurrences. Mothers can take the opportunity to listen, support and give advice. Healthy communication includes talking about controversial issues such as sex, drugs and alcohol use and future goals including college or work force. Mothers should prepare to address and answer daughters' questions on topics pertaining to puberty, pregnancy, pregnancy prevention and detrimental effects of harmful substances. Mothers and daughters should also express themselves after arguments and outbursts, solving problems by calmly articulating feelings, apologizing and thinking of better ways to handle communication breakdowns.

Stay Connected

• Teenage girls are typically more consumed with hanging out with friends instead of mothers, often making moms feel left out. Bonding over mother-daughter activities increases the time that mothers and daughters spend together during the teenage years to solidify the relationship as one of love, nurturing and enjoyment. Mothers and daughters can focus on shared interests such as shopping, dining and physical fitness to stay connected. Planning mother-daughter group activities allows for other teenage girls and mothers to enjoy each others' company, helping teenagers and moms relate to commonalities in mother-daughter relationships.

Compromise

• Teenage girls strive for independence and identity throughout adolescence, trying to define themselves by fashion, hair or makeup styles, speech, attitude, hobbies and peer groups. Mothers and daughters may not agree on these topics, but should learn to negotiate to avoid repeated confrontations and arguments over the same issues. Both parties should explain their point-of-view and be receptive to a compromise so that the teenage years are not stricken by disagreements, which can cause tension in a mother-daughter relationship.