How to Help Teens Get Over Their Fear of Success
Your teen has held a straight A average, but then inexplicably fails the last test of the year. He has played a perfect game until the last few seconds when he completely messes up. These events might be more than bad luck or bad planning. Your teen may suffer from a fear of success. If left untreated, fear of success can lead the teen to sabotage his own plans. He can ultimately get into a cycle of self-defeat that prevents him from reaching his full potential.
Instructions
Fear of Change
Determine if your teen is afraid of change. According to psychiatrist Dr. Jay Pope, teens may fear success because all of the changes and responsibilities that go along with it. By sabotaging his own success, he avoids a fearful situation. Talk about the changes that are going on in the teen̵7;s life. Break down the challenges into manageable portions. For example, if the teen is preparing for college, help him focus on one step at a time. You might say: ̶0;Today, just think about your ACT.̶1; If he starts bringing up concerns about where he will go or how he will pay for the school, remind him to ignore those questions for the moment. All he has to focus on right now is the test. Remind your teen of times when he has experienced fear or anxiety, but persevered. Ask him to recall the experience. Ask him how he handled his fear and how he felt as he became more comfortable with the situation. Praise him for past times when he has conquered or prevailed in spite of his fear. Confusion about Fear and Excitement
Determine if your teen confuses excitement for fear. Somatic psychologist Dr. Susanne Babbel points out some teens have a hard time telling the difference between the experience of fear and excitement. The excitement that goes along with success has similar physiological reactions to the feeling of danger that goes along with anxiety. Ask the teen to remember a time from his early childhood when he was happy and successful. It might be the first time he read a whole book by himself or won a ribbon. He should describe the situation in as much detail as possible. Help him to immerse himself in the memory so that he is able to recall the physiological sensation of that excitement. Ask the teen to recall a more recent example of feeling successful and excited. It might be getting a good grade on a paper or going to a special dance. Ask for specific details again. Help him to experience those sensations in his memory. Help the teen remember a time when he was frightened. Don̵7;t look for a major traumatic event. Instead, ask him about a time when he was scared, but the fear was manageable, for example, when he and his friends went to a haunted house or he rode a roller coaster. Ask him to re-experience those physiological sensations. Compare the sensations of happy success with the sensations of fear. Ask the teen to find differences in the two experiences. Repeat the memory exercises until the teen has a good grasp on the differences between excitement and anxiety.
