How to Reconcile With Estranged Teenagers
There are very few things that are more painful for a parent than being estranged from her child. Teens become estranged from their parents for a number of reasons and there is no easy one-size-fits-all method to reconciling with a teen, nor is there any guarantee that efforts to reconcile will be successful. With that said, the following steps will be helpful in the reconciliation process regardless of what caused the estrangement.
Instructions
Forgive your teen for any wrong he may have done to you, especially if you feel your teen was responsible for the estrangement. Before you attempt to reconcile with your teen, have a gut check. If you are harboring anger or bitterness toward him, deal with that before attempting to reconcile. Consider talking about your feelings with a trusted friend, a therapist or a minister. Make the first move, regardless of who is at fault for the estrangement. As the adult, you need to be the one who reaches out. When you do, avoid rehashing anything you may feel your teen has done to hurt you. In most cases, he is already aware of it. Even if he isn't, the early stages of a reconciliation attempt are not the best time to reopen old wounds. Acknowledge anything you are aware of having done or said that hurt your teen. Don't justify it, even if you still think you were right. Simply acknowledge your teen's feelings and tell him that you would like to work things out. If you are honestly not sure whether you have done anything, ask -- but make sure to do so in a way that conveys that you are honestly trying to understand your teen's point of view rather than trying to pick a fight. Apologize to your teen. If you did something wrong, own up to it and do what you can to make amends. Even if you don't feel that you have done anything wrong -- or even if you clearly were in the right -- it won't cost you anything except a little pride to apologize for how your teen's feelings have been affected. According to psychologist Dr. John Grohol, writing on the PsychCentral website, apologizing when you are not wrong "shows you care more about them rather than winning any particular (all-too-often, silly) argument." Allow time and space for healing. Your teen may be ready to see your relationship mended immediately, or he may not. Don't push him further away by insisting that he move faster than he's ready to in the reconciliation process. If your teen is not ready to reconcile right away, use the time to continue working on any anger or resentment you may be feeling. Have reasonable expectations. There is usually deep hurt for all parties involved in an estrangement. Understand that broken relationships -- including parental relationships -- take time to heal, and sometimes don't completely heal. Be persistent, but realize that the estranged teen is in control of how fast -- or whether -- the reconciliation process goes forward. If your attempts at reconciliation are turned away, continue trying, but be gentle about it. Given time, most wounds heal and most estrangements can be reconciled. Previous:How Old Must Teenagers Be to Get a Driving Permit? Next:What Kind of Body Language Would a Teenager Have When Nervous?
