Tools Used to Help Teens Verbalize Their Feelings

Externally, teens seem like adults. But internally, they are still primarily children. A teen̵7;s lack of worldly experience and emotional intelligence leads to an inability to effectively express her emotions. This is when parents come into play. Parents can apply certain tools and methodologies to help their teen properly express her feelings, dealing with corresponding problems simultaneously.

  1. Scaffolding

    • Scaffolding is a tool that allows the gradual introduction of feelings and emotions into the parent-teen dialogue. Most teens -- uncomfortable about directly expressing their emotions -- need support. But this support cannot arrive all at once; it must come in small doses. Scaffolding is the parental expression of appreciation when a teen expresses something private and emotional he would not normally express. For example, a parent might respond to a teen mentioning his frustration at school by saying, ̶0;I̵7;m glad you are telling me about this,̶1; without going too much deeper into the subject. As your teen gains comfort in expressing himself to you, your scaffolding can increase, encouraging deeper expression.

    Emotional Guidance

    • A teen might not always know why she feels a certain way. This is often due to a lack of experience with certain emotions or life situations. For example, new, confusing feelings of guilt and embarrassment might arise as a teen hits puberty. If a teen does not understand why she feels the way she does, she might struggle internally. Developmental Psychologist John Gottman, author of ̶0;Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child,̶1; suggests parents use guidance and coaching to help teens explain why they feel a certain way. But Gottman recommends avoiding lectures in favor of cooperative brainstorming. Talking about this issue together in a comfortable environment can help teens better understand themselves and cope with their negative emotions.

    Mirroring

    • Mirroring is a type of indirect support of your teen̵7;s emotional expression. Typically, mirroring comes in the form of body language. When your child frowns, frowning with him shows that you not only understand his feelings but feel them along with him. Gottman states that witnessing an adult feel the same way helps a teen understand that emotions are universal, affecting even seemingly put-together adults.

    Problem-Solving

    • Emotions don̵7;t normally arrive on their own; emotions stem from external stimuli. For example, resentment is an emotion directed at a person of authority; sadness is an emotion arising from a disappointment. Parents can use problem-solving focused on stimuli to engage teens in emotional discussions. Not only will a teen need to express his feelings before he can solve the problem but he will most likely form a stronger bond with his parents by cooperatively working on a productive solution. Through such a process, teens can verbalize their feelings while simultaneously learning problem-solving skills.

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