Developing a Verbal Filter for Teens

Understanding Before Filtering: Teens vs. Everyone

• Before you attempt to alter how your teen speaks, you would benefit from understanding why he speaks the way he does. Professor Crispin Thurlow, of the University of Washington, has looked long and hard at teen speech patterns in his book ̶0;Talking Adolescence.̶1; Thurlow points out that many of the speech patterns, vocabulary and even mannerisms of teens are direct consequences of being teens. That is, a swearing teen doesn̵7;t swear because he̵7;s a bad kid but because he̵7;s trying to separate himself from the rest of the world -- the adult world. Teens use strange and sometimes unpleasant language as a way of showing their exclusion from the mainstream group: the group in which they believe parents and most adults belong.

The Verbal Filter: Don̵7;t Set Your Expectations Too High

• In a way, having your teen filter her language is like telling her to stop being a teen. While a verbal filter might bring more comfort to your ears, you̵7;re asking her to compromise her own identity. Keep this in mind when you go through with setting up a verbal filter for your teen. In the end, a parent-teen compromise will probably work better for both of you, both because telling your teen to change her identity is virtually an attack on your teen̵7;s personality and because your teen is still essentially a child, making her predisposed to lapses of self-control. While a verbal filter might be necessary in some extreme cases, for most teens, a verbal filter is an unnatural and needless concept. Don̵7;t set your expectations too high.

Verbal Filter or Verbal Transformer?

• The ultimate goal of language is expression. Your teen might express himself in ways that you find inappropriate, but the fact that he can freely express himself is admirable, especially considering the fact that, according to Adnan Omar, co-author of the article ̶0;Impact of Technology on Teens̵7; Written Language,̶1; today̵7;s teenagers are poor at expressing themselves. Telling your teen to filter his language might be discouraging to a teen who has few other ways of expressing himself. Perhaps a better concept of the verbal filter is to help teens change the way they express themselves, rather than shut off their expressive ability. For example, you could explain to your teen that you don̵7;t wish to change his natural speech but you do wish he first think of his audience before speaking. Tell him, ̶0;Using swear words around your friends might be acceptable, but around me, find other ways of saying what you mean. You̵7;ll find adults will respect you more.̶1;

Establishing the Verbal Filter: Scaffolding

• Once you̵7;ve decided to set the verbal filter in action, sit down with your teen and talk through the changes you would like made. Be sure you both agree on the rules, discussing the when, where and what of appropriate speech. But don̵7;t think a single conversation will make magical improvements in your child̵7;s vocal cords. Using scaffolding, or supportive strategies directed at gradual changes, will lead to better results over the long run. Instead of giving your teen a huge task of removing all the bad language and unintelligible slang from his vocabulary, deal with each word or situation as it comes. Scaffolding requires parental feedback, showing appreciation when you notice your teen holding back and showing disappointment when your teen breaks a rule. Each time you engage in scaffolding, you go a little further. The first time you praise your child̵7;s improvements, you might do so by speaking only a single sentence: ̶0;I̵7;m glad you haven̵7;t sworn tonight.̶1; But as your teen makes further improvements, you can add more input and expression: ̶0;Your way of speech has greatly improved. I̵7;m genuinely proud of you.̶1;