How to Let Go When a Child Leaves for College

As you prepare your child for college, don't forget to spend some time anticipating your own needs as well. Attachment and separation are inevitable, lifelong processes, and it's typical for parents to feel a mixture of pride, panic and grief when letting go of someone they used to diaper. Your own transition during this time is from assuming full parental responsibility for your child to becoming more of a friend and adviser. Don't underestimate how tough letting go can be.

Instructions

  1. Managing Distancing Behaviors

    • 1

      Respond calmly and logically if your child becomes angry or sullen in the months leading up to his departure. The American Academy of Pediatrics advises that young adults may become challenging as a means of distancing themselves from parents. Understand your teen's struggles and don't feed into his negativity. Share your feelings while offering unconditional love.

    • 2

      Celebrate your child's efforts to become more independent by praising him for making his own decisions, setting his own schedule and following through on his responsibilities. Focusing on the positives can help you resist the natural temptation to overcontrol and resist letting go.

    • 3

      Discuss your mixed feelings of sadness and pride openly and directly with your child. Encourage him to open up to you by listening without judging. Exercise self-discipline by giving advice only when asked, as you assume your role as friendly adviser rather than guardian.

    Fill the Void

    • 4

      Enjoy the spare time that results from having one fewer child in your home. Identify and pursue hobbies or interests that you've neglected. Structure your newfound free time to avoid feeling empty and lost.

    • 5

      Reconnect with old friends. Sometimes parents become so busy raising their children that they lose touch with their peers. Even if you still have one or more children at home, you'll have more free time once your child leaves college. Like you, your friends may also be experiencing empty-nest syndrome and may appreciate your efforts to reconnect and reestablish your friendships.

    • 6

      Begin new adventures. If you have always wanted to travel, pack your bags and celebrate your newfound independence. Combat any feelings of guilt you may be having by reminding yourself that modeling independence for your young adult can help his transition. The less he sees you struggling, the less guilty he'll feel about having a good time away from home.

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