How to Deal With Difficult Teens
Teenagers are struggling to find their own identity amidst raging hormones and a number of social pressures. Many situations appear to be life or death to them, such as bad grades, a fight with a friend or breaking up with a boyfriend. Teens want to feel loved and respected and be given the chance to make decisions about their own life. If a parent rules with an iron rod or seems distant, the teen may become rebellious or aloof. Thousands of parents have gone through the same struggles and have had to learn how to deal with difficult teens.
Instructions
Analyze the specific behavior of the teen that creates havoc in the household. Is he constantly yelling, threatening or beating up his little brother? Does he refuse to do his part of the household chores? Does he constantly stay out past curfew? Discuss the inappropriate behavior and alternative punishments with your teen. Allow her to have an active part in setting her punishment if the behavior continues. When she knows the consequences of her actions, and has a say in what the rules are, she is more likely to stick by them. As a parent, it is important you follow through with the punishment. Listen to your teen. Let him know that you respect his feelings and opinions and they matter to you. Assure him that even though at times you do not like his actions, that you have an unconditional love for him. Show him respect through proper body language. If you are sitting with crossed legs and arms, you're actually saying you don't care about what he has to say. Instead, lean in close to him and look him in the eyes. This tells him that you are trully interested in what he is saying. Remain calm when talking to your teen. The last thing either of you needs is an emotionally charged exchange of words. She knows you and knows what she can and can't get by with as well as what buttons to push to get her own way. If in the past you have become angry and just done her chores for her, she will expect this to happen again. Be consistent and don't make empty threats. Compromise with the teen. If he wants to stay out past curfew for a dance, let him know he can if he does extra chores or doesn't fight with his sister. This teaches him that there is some sort of price to pay to get what he wants in life. Give the teen room to breathe. To find her own identity, she needs the freedom to make her own decisions. Let her show her personality by choosing how she wears her hair and how she dresses. If she wants piercings or tattoos, discuss the pros and cons, including health risks. Let your teen face the consequences of his actions. It's not the parent's responsibility to step in and help. If he is getting bad grades because he doesn't study, then it's his problem, not the parents. Don't call his teachers to find extra work he could do to improve his grades. If improving his grades is important to him, he needs to discuss alternatives with the teacher and he needs to do the work. Praise your teen for all positive behavior she shows. Aim to praise her twice as much as you reprimand her. This encourages the behavior you're seeking. Let her know you are pleased with her "C," or that you overheard her giving great advice to her little brother. Invite your teen on a date. Take him somewhere that he would enjoy, such as a movie and lunch. Allow him to pick the places you go and the movies to see. If he's not interested, let him know it's an open invitation and ask again later.
