Tips on Raising Teenagers That Aren't Biologically Yours

Parenting a teenager can be a challenging, frustrating endeavor, and those challenges only increase when the child in question is a step-child, foster child, or otherwise not biologically yours. Many challenges may be similar, but intensified; for example, most teenagers are rebellious, but you may have particular trouble with a non-biological child questioning your authority. The tactics you employ will be influenced by the child's personality, and other individualized factors.

  1. Don't Compete

    • When the teenager's biological parent is still in the picture (and sometimes even if he is not), trying to compete with the biological parent can upset the teenager and may make him more likely to flout your authority to make the point that you aren't his "real" parent. If your spouse is the teenager's biological parent (and the teenager is your stepchild), you may need to defer to him frequently in disciplinary situations, to avoid unnecessary controversy. Reassure the teenager that you understand that she has another parent--but that you would still like to be involved in her life. In cases where you do need to take disciplinary action, or otherwise lay down the law, make sure your spouse is there to back up your authority.

    Don't Show Favoritism

    • Trouble can also arise when a family is made up of both biological and non-biological children. Teenagers may be quick to sense (rightly or wrongly) favoritism, which can easily occur in this situation--even if you don't intend to act that way. Be careful to treat children living in your home who are not biologically yours the same way you treat your own children--for example, attending their school functions and sporting events, being quick to allow them the same privileges, and showing affection towards them. This will also make it easier for the two sets of children to get along with one another.

    Hold Family Meetings

    • A child who is not biologically yours may be hesitant to come to you, either out of shyness, uncertainty, or resentment, when he has a question or concern. Holding regular family meetings provides a healthy forum for your teenager to express frustrations or issues she may be experiencing, be it with you, the other parent, or even something outside the home. These meetings demonstrate your willingness to listen and be involved, and help your child get to know you better and feel more comfortable around you.

    Be Affectionate and Open

    • People of all ages -- from babies to senior citizens, and yes, even teenagers -- will ultimately respond best to love, affection and honesty. While difficult teenagers can be frustrating to parent, treating them with respect and love will go a long way in the parenting process. Ensure open lines of communication by talking to them regularly, without judgment, and taking an interest in their hobbies, friends, and everyday activities. Let them know that even though they aren't biologically yours, you're excited that they're part of your family.

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