How to Deal With Argumentative Teenagers

Dealing with an angry teenager can feel like banging your head against the wall: the more you do it, the more frustrated and injured you become. It is important to remember that irrational teenage behavior often has no rational basis. Instead of trying to understand where oppositional behavior comes from, sometimes it is best to manage its manifestations. No matter what your teenager is arguing with you about, do your best to defuse the situation with whatever technique most suits your family situation.

  1. Don't Argue Back

    • One of the most important lessons to remember is that it takes two to have an argument. Allowing yourself to get enraged will only fuel your teen's anger. Whatever you do, don't argue back. If you need to, take a timeout and postpone the discussion until you have calmed down. Try to calm down your teenager by being as kind as possible, but it's also okay to tell him that you will only listen to his complaints if he lowers his voice.

    Be Willing to Negotiate

    • Along the same lines of not arguing back, it is important not to be rigid in a position you take that can make your teenager angry. Let your teen know that you are willing to talk about the issue and negotiate a compromise, as long as the discussion takes place in a respectful way. This should give your teenager the incentive to calm down. Avoid feeding his anger by sticking to a "no" position. Listen to your teen and ask questions in order to understand his position.

    Give Responsibility

    • Teenagers sometimes feel old enough to handle adult responsibilities and resent being treated like children. Take your teen up on this by giving him more responsibility. For instance, if your teen is arguing with you about his bedtime, agree to let him go to bed whenever he wants, as long as he is up on time for school and his grades don't slip. This puts the onus for his schoolwork on him. If his grades do slip, he might better understand why going to bed early is important.

    Change Locations

    • Sometimes the venue or setting for a discussion can fuel an argument. If, for instance, your teen often starts arguments around the dinner table, avoid bringing up potentially dicey subjects at dinner time. Try saving the discussion for a different place and time, such as one-on-one in the car first thing in the morning. Do your best to break the associations your teen might have with a daily family activity or place.

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