How Should a Step-Mom Handle Teens?

Stepmothers often find themselves in an awkward spot when it comes to knowing how to handle their husband's children from a previous relationship. Conflicts with your stepchildren can also upset your marriage. Learning how to build good relations among the members of the family can go a long way in easing tension and encouraging marital bliss.

  1. Bonding

    • Knowing what kind of relationship to develop with your stepchildren can be tough. Stepmothers should make an effort to get to know her stepchildren, like what they like to do for fun and who their friends are, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics. Finding something that you can enjoy together, like playing video games or playing miniature golf, may help you bond, according to KidsHealth. Remember that these bonds can develop slowly, so you may want to keep your outings with your teenage stepchildren brief, according to the Mayo Clinic.

    Discipline

    • Knowing your boundaries when it comes to disciplining your stepchildren is important. A meeting with your husband and his ex-partner can help all of you figure out what kind of behavior and discipline is expected of each adult. Your partner may prefer to discipline the kids while you act as his support. You may be able to reduce how much discipline is necessary if you hold regular family meetings, according to the Mayo Clinic. A family meeting can ensure that everyone is heard, potentially reducing conflict and resentment. But most importantly, you and your husband need to present a united front to the children to reduce conflict, according to PBS Parents.

    Gaining Support

    • Remember that poor treatment from your stepchildren may be a greater indicator of their own pain. Your stepchildren may be mourning their fathers' break-up with their mother, or they may be hopeful that the family will unite again, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics. In that case, you may encourage your husband to talk to his children about their feelings. Bonding with the other parent of your stepchildren may also foster more positive relations, according to KidsHealth. No matter how angry you are, it is important not to speak ill of the teens' parents in front of them.

    Additional Guidance

    • Making a blended family work can take a lot of time and patience, but no matter how much you work, you and your stepchildren may never love one another, according to PBS Parents. If the relationship never progresses beyond a civil one, remember that this is okay. A family counselor may be able to help your blended unit make the most of the challenges ahead.

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