How to Encourage Children to Practice Self-Control
Your child's capacity for self-control is built in and ready to to develop; Dr. Laura Markham, clinical psychologist and author of ̶0;Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids,̶1; estimates that approximately 30 percent of 4-year-olds can successfully manage their emotions, even if only part of the time. The seeds for self-control are present in every child. As the parent, you must nurture those seeds with a balance of discipline and empathy.
Instructions
Foster a sense of trust in your child. While you don't need to cater to your little one's every whim, become a force of stability in his life by delivering on your promises and meeting basic needs, such as meals, baths, and bedtime rituals as consistently and dependably as possible. When your child trusts you, he tends to feel less anxiety. With a sense of security, kids also develop the ability to soothe themselves and regulate their emotions. Talk your child through anxiety. When your tot encounters a high-stress situation, act as a sort of a soothing vocal embodiment of the things you tell yourself when you deal with anxiety. Calmly remind your child to slow down, think things through and consider the consequences of her actions. Work in levels, first recognizing the source of the anger, then transitioning into thinking about choices and, finally, into calm and controlled action. Older children benefit from a focus on the decision-making process, while younger kids often need you to come down to their level, make firm eye contact and use gentle gestures. Tweak the classic timeout formula. When your child loses control, sentence him to a more flexible timeout that helps him learn how to moderate his emotions. Rather than setting a specific time limit, end the timeout once your child has calmed down. Reinforce good behavior. When your youngster conducts herself in a calm and controlled fashion, let her know. Unexpected, sparing rewards and treats help, too, but, mostly, your child simply needs to hear your approval out loud. Set an example. Practice your own self-control as best you can by reacting to stressful situations calmly and with a cool head. Avoid overreacting, and meet your child's outbursts with calmness. If you get angry, rationally state your anger rather than lashing out. You are your child's biggest role model, so practice the type of self-control you want to see in him.
