How to Control Children
Every parent wants to know how to control children. They want their children to mind and to be respectful. However, everyday we see children out of control, whether it is at the grocery store or elsewhere. There are some basic principles to use to control children. They will take some initial effort to put those principles into place and children might even resist, but these steps will pay off and save parents time, effort, and grief in a short time.
Instructions
Ask if their behavior needs to be controlled. Give lots of positive attention. The best way to reinforce good behavior is to model it. Do not teach persistence. Always keep promises.
Sometimes children can really get on a parent's nerves. Maybe they are touching everything, or they are playing with something that is not a toy, and so forth. However, some behaviors are a natural part of development and learning. For example, young children learn by touching, seeing, manipulating, etc. This is discovery learning and it is what helps young children to make critical cognitive connections. If children are discovering or are just curious, use that as a teaching moment. At the same time, use that as an opportunity to let them know why they can't play with that item or why they could get hurt, etc. If their behavior is not a natural part of learning, then redirect them and set limits.
Children need a lot of attention, sometimes more than we have. However, children are pretty smart and they have a way of getting our attention one way or another. Children who do not get positive attention often will seek negative attention. Try not to give any unnecessary attention for negative behaviors and give lots of positive attention for good behaviors. Sometimes the best positive attention our children can get is from family meals, tucking young children in at night, or just stopping to talk to them. Think about one hour of time every so often that children can have uninterrupted when there is no one else taking our attention -no other children, no phone, etc.
We are the best role models for our children, not their friends or the media or anyone else. Therefore we have to make sure that we are exhibiting the very behaviors that we expect. We have to make sure that we kick old habits and demonstrate to them things like being on-time, following through with promises, keeping our voice calm when upset, problem solving, etc.
Casinos teach persistence by letting us win just often enough that we keep on trying because, each time, we just know that that is the time we might win again. Children are no different than we are. If they win and get their way every so often, then we have taught them persistence. Every time we give in we have increased their effort. It is really hard to not give in, especially in public when we want to keep them calm. However, we have to maintain that control. Think of giving in one time as opening a Pandora's box.
Life is so hectic that we often are put in the position of not having enough time to do the things we need to. However, we have to follow through on promises to our children. It may be something as simple as telling them that if they do not get into trouble until Friday we will get pizza. Then Friday comes and we are broke or we have to work late. Everybody has emergencies and children will understand if it is an emergency and they know that we normally always follow through. But they have to be able to count on us to follow through. They will have no motivation to follow through with our expectations if we do not follow through with their expectations.
