What Are Generational Boundaries in Child Development?
Every member of a family has a role within that family, including different expectations, responsibilities, and privileges based on age and relationship. Parents provide direction and discipline, along with care and support. Children are dependent of their parents but gain increasing levels of authority and responsibility as they grow older. The clear distinction between these roles is called the generational boundary.
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Boundary Dissolution
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The distinction between the role of the child and the role of the parent is called the generational boundary. This boundary is extremely important for healthy development. A child is not emotionally or mentally capable of taking on the role of friend, partner or caregiver toward his own parent. When parents push their children into one of these roles, the child can suffer long-term developmental and psychological consequences. Boundary dissolution is the term psychologists use to describe what happens when generational boundaries are violated.
Emotional Parentification
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In a family with functioning generational boundaries, the parents provide direction, advice and emotional support for the children. However, some parents expect their children to listen to their complaints about life, give them advice about what to do, or take care of their emotional needs for love and comfort. This puts the child into the role of the parent and violates the generational boundary. According to a 2004 study published in Family Relations, children who experience this type of parenting can develop a lifelong pattern of always taking care of other people and never taking care of themselves. When they later have children of their own, some of them may turn to their children for the support they never received from their parents, repeating the cycle.
Instrumental Parentification
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Parents usually handle most of the daily tasks of maintaining the household, such as cleaning, cooking and taking care of sick family members. In cases where the parent has a chronic physical or mental illness, these responsibilities can fall on the oldest child instead. She may be expected to cook, clean up and be responsible for her siblings beyond the normal responsibilities of an older child. According to an article by Samuel Lopez de Victoria published on PsychCentral, this is referred to as instrumental parentification and has many of the same negative effects as emotional parentification.
Other Boundary Issues
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Parentification isn't the only type of generational boundary issue that can occur. According to a research review published in the Journal of Emotional Abuse in 2005, some parents violate the generational boundary by treating their children more like peers or equals. Although it may be appropriate to treat a responsible older teenager more like a peer, it can be very damaging to the development of a child because children need parental guidance. Other parents put the child into an emotional role more appropriate for a spouse or romantic partner. Although this is not always a sign of sexual abuse, it can still be damaging.
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