The Importance of Talking to Children About Absent Parents
When one parent does not or cannot maintain an active role in parenting, a child will likely experience a variety of negative effects. It's imperative that you communicate with a child about an absent parent to provide support and information. Without this assistance and support, your child might feel abandoned and unloved.
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Resolve Your Issues
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It's likely that you have your own issues or emotions in connection with the absent parent -- whether the absence is due to death, abandonment, divorce or even military deployment. Before you talk to your child about the absent parent, delve into your own emotions and resolve any connected issues, advises OneFamily, a one-parent support network in Ireland. To support and help your child deal with an absent parent situation, you need to be able to discuss it without expressing extreme emotions as much as possible.
Honesty
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Talk about the absence honestly with your child, advises Nadirah Angail, a therapist with a master's in marriage and family therapy, writing on her own website. Although you might wish you could weave a story of noble intentions to tell your child about the reason her dad isn't involved in her life, these fairy tales won't solve long-term issues. It's appropriate to tell your child, "I don't know," if she asks you questions you can't answer. You might tell your child that you'll try to find the answers she wants.
Care with Details
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Although you need to be honest, not every detail will be appropriate for a child to hear. Analyze the details connected with the absent parent's situation to determine how much you should share. For example, details about an incarcerated parent's crime aren't necessary for a child to know -- it's probably enough to tell him that his dad made a mistake that hurt someone and a judge decided he needed to spend time at a special place to think about what he did.
Answer Questions
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A child will likely have ongoing questions about the absent parent, especially if the absence continues over an extended period as the child grows and matures. Answer questions as they come up. A child might ask whether the absent parent loved her; you might answer that you're sure he would love her very much. A child might want to know what the parent looks like or if she looks like him. Share pictures or describe appearances with your child to help her develop her identity. If the parent will be returning, from a deployment, for example, give your child this information.
Maintain Connection
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Stay connected with your child and encourage ongoing communication and questions to provide continual support, advises the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, on their building blocks website. New feelings might surface as a child gets older and more mature. Help your child maintain a connection with the absent parent, also. When milestones occur, expect a child to think about an absent parent. Your child could save mementos in a box, write letters or draw pictures for the parent. A child could also create a scrapbook to stay connected with the absent parent.
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