Parents Building Trust With Honesty in Their Children

Tell the Truth

• Children are observant and it̵7;s likely that they are closely watching what you do as a parent. One of the most effective ways to build trust in your household is to lead by example and tell the truth. Even though it may be difficult to answer questions about intimacy or painful memories, if you answer honestly and with age-appropriate information, your child will learn how to trust you and ultimately, confide in you, too.

Isolate Incidents

• When your child lies to you, it̵7;s common, as a parent, to take it personally and wonder if your child has been deceptive at other times. Instead of reacting in anger and assuming the worst, Dr. David Gleason, a clinical psychologist based in Concord, Mass., says that parents need to understand that a child̵7;s attempt at lying is a sign that she is asserting herself. ̶0;She would not lie about something if she didn̵7;t actually care about it enough to lie about it,̶1; he says. Parents should isolate the incident and find ways to discuss what prompted the lie. Did the child fear an angry reaction? Was she feeling the need for freedom? Instead of labeling your child as a liar, try to uncover the truth and the reasoning behind the lie to foster an open and honest child-parent relationship.

Empathize With Your Children

• Children are often faced with challenges that parents never experienced. Increased levels of peer pressure, exposure to social media and negative stereotypes in the media can influence your child̵7;s ability to tell the truth. Establish more trust with your child by empathizing with his daily challenges. Foster open discussions while driving in the car and ask your child about any confrontations he might be facing with peers. Parents can also share anecdotes concerning trust and truth-telling from their own childhood. Discussing your own experiences will help your child better understand the concepts of trust and honesty.

Teach Trust

• It is possible that your child may not fully understand the meaning of trust. Provide examples that illustrate how to become trustworthy. For example, prompt him to first think about his availability or true willingness before committing to a promise and remind him to always finish a job to completion, especially if someone else is counting on him to do it. It̵7;s also important to discuss obstacles that could prevent him from fulfilling a promise, such as pressure from friends, fatigue, illness, distractions and even procrastination. Once he is aware of his limitations, he will have a stronger sense of how and when to commit himself to responsibilities and be truthful about such things.

Give Positive Reinforcement

• A lot of behavior, at any age, is often learned. Reinforce the benefits of being truthful and discuss their relation to building trust. If you notice your child has honestly confessed a wrong doing, let him know what the consequences of his actions will be but also compliment him for telling the truth. Affirm that though it might have been difficult, it was the right thing to do and he should be proud of that. Although your child may lose a privilege for inappropriate behavior, you may wish to tell him that his punishment will be lessened because he chose to communicate honestly about the matter.