How to Help Your Child Separate Psychologically From You

At the beginning of life, one parenting goal is to connect with your child emotionally and psychologically to provide security for him to grown and develop. Eventually, your child needs to begin a gradual separation that enables the healthy development of independence. This is a process that requires that you provide support as a child slowly learns positive and beneficial autonomy.

Instructions

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      Encourage your child to develop relationships with other people in addition to caregivers and immediate family. These broadening relationships and friendships will help your child build trust and realize that he can enjoy interacting and spending time with others, suggests a guide published by the Michigan Great Start Collaborative. You might achieve this by exposing your child to play groups, social programs and school programs.

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      Discover interests your child has and activities she can pursue to broaden her environment. Enroll your child in organized sports or find a hobby she̵7;d like to learn and sign her up for a class. Keep looking for a passionate interest for your child until you find something she genuinely enjoys that she can focus on and learn. This process will provide some autonomy for your child.

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      Resist over-functioning for your child, cautions counselor Debbie Pincus, with the Empowering Parents website. If you continue to provide assistance and support past the point where your child needs this support, you may encourage dependence and your child might not develop important self-sufficiency skills. For example, step back and wait to see whether your child can handle homework and school assignments without your assistance.

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      Temper your child̵7;s need for increasing independence with a continuing need for connection, advises psychologist Laura Markham, with the Aha Parenting website. Although your child might be pushing you away on one hand, it̵7;s likely that psychologically he still knows he needs you. Let your child know he can spread his wings a little bit without needing to disconnect from you emotionally. This might be as simple as continuing to initiate daily ̶0;check-in̶1; conversations with your child even as he becomes busy with school and an expanding social life.

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      Continue to provide emotional and psychological support for your child, as she requests it, but step back without being quick to offer it. For example, if your child needs to make a decision about arranging or balancing her schedule, you might make yourself available to discuss it. Gently help her discover a suitable solution to make an independent decision. A benefit of helping your child make independent decisions before she reaches adulthood is that you can be available for damage control if a decision doesn̵7;t produce the desired result.

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