Talking to Kids About Stealing

Stealing is a normal part of growing up, according to an article excerpted from "The Complete Idiot's Guide to a Well-Behaved Child," by Ericka Lutz, on familyeducation.com, where it is claimed that little ones will do it over and over before learning the lesson. A child who steals is not a child who will become a criminal, but parents do need to step in to help children understand the family values and societal norms centered around stealing.

  1. Define Stealing

    • Make sure your child understands that stealing is the unlawful taking of another person's property. Be clear that stealing can be done physically, such as taking a candy bar from a store, or electronically, such as taking music that hasn't been purchased, from the Internet. Remember, if the child has already stolen something, he probably doesn't think he's done anything wrong, so speak calmly to your child about the definition of stealing. After stealing is defined, explain that this is something that is not tolerated in your family and make it clear that this action is wrong.

    Discuss Consequences

    • After going over what it is and that it is not acceptable, explain that she will be taking the item back to its rightful owner and that she will apologize in person for the wrongdoing. Give your child a chance to explain how she feels, and try to not make her feel ashamed for the action. She needs to learn from this mistake, and humiliating her won't help. Go with her to return the item and make sure she apologizes appropriately.

    Get to the Bottom of It

    • Talk to your child after the item is returned about why she took it. The incident isn't over once the object is returned, because you don't want to experience a repeat of the behavior. Some reasons kids steal, according to kidshealth.org, are peer pressure, a lack of knowing it's wrong or a lack of control in other areas of life. Find out why the stealing happened and try to discover what can change to help your child avoid the situation in the future. Again, keep the conversation light so the child does not feel defensive. Yelling and anger may cause repeat offenses.

    Keep the Conversation Going

    • Writing in "The New York Times," Dr. Perri Klass attests that one incident does not lead to a life of crime. While this is true, you want to make sure your child has learned the correct respect for the property of others. Go over the rules of respect with young children before leaving the house and make sure future consequences are clear for older children. Older children are able to understand that consequences will be worse for repeat offenses. After the situation is discussed and taken care of and the reasons behind the stealing are addressed, talk to the kids about future consequences for repeat behavior.

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