How to Apologize to Children

According to psychologist John Gottman, author of the book ̶0;Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child,̶1; a child can understand the meaning behind the phrase ̶0;I̵7;m sorry̶1; from as early as 4. Parents can take advantage of this fact by apologizing for their own mistakes, thereby showing children the importance of owning up to mistakes and showing others that you wish to be forgiven. But apologizing isn̵7;t as easy as just saying ̶0;I̵7;m sorry̶1; and hoping things will be forgotten; a proper apology comes with an explanation.

Instructions

    • 1

      Recognize and accept your mistake. Ensure that your actions are in line with the values you are teaching your children. A mistake is therefore an action that betrays what you̵7;ve taught your children. For example, if you̵7;ve taught your children that name-calling is wrong and one day find yourself calling your child a ̶0;lazy brat̶1; for not keeping his room clean, this is likely a mistake you should apologize for.

    • 2

      Say clearly and directly: ̶0;I̵7;m sorry.̶1; Be sincere in showing your regret for your action.

    • 3

      Explain why you made the mistake. Admit that you are only human and that everyone makes mistakes occasionally. Focus on the emotions that drove the misstep. For example, explain to your child that you acted without thinking first when you called her a name; you responded naturally to your feelings of anger and disappointment in seeing your son̵7;s room untidy.

    • 4

      Explain what you should have done and what you will do next time. Tell your child the appropriate reaction to your emotions, showing him that you knew what to do but simply acted thoughtlessly. For example, say to your child that you should have reminded him of his responsibility to keep his room clean and disciplined him by taking away privileges instead of calling him a name. Promise him next time you will act appropriately.

    • 5

      Ask for forgiveness. This is especially important for older children, says psychologist Michael Riera, author of the book ̶0;Uncommon Sense for Parents,̶1; because older children require more open, two-directional communication with their parents to nurture trust and smooth cooperation. Ensure that your child understands that you̵7;re sorry and knows you will work harder to live up to your position of a role model for her.

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