How to Calm an Angry Child
Situations that evoke anger in children are opportunities in which parents can guide children to respond appropriately. At the same time, the intimate instruction strengthens the parent-child bond. When dealing with a child who̵7;s angry, parents have to appropriately regulate their own emotions first.
Instructions
Avoid exacerbating the situation. Sidestep the urge to counter anger with anger, which could lead to an escalation of the incident or to an argument. If your natural response is to yell at your child and scold him, for example, he might yell back to defend himself. According to the University of Florida, getting into an argument with your child will likely lead to a power struggle in which he tries to justify the misbehavior driven by anger. So calm yourself down before you attempt to calm your child down. Because many times a child̵7;s anger is directed at his parent, this is not always easy to do, but a parent̵7;s emotional regulation precedes that of a child. Take a step back, chill out and develop your action plan before you directly intervene. Tell your child you are disappointed in his actions. Criticize his behavior, not him. For example, instead of saying, ̶0;You̵7;re being a brat,̶1; say, ̶0;Your behavior is upsetting me.̶1; He may feel personally attacked if you label him, but by labeling his behavior instead, you allow him to distance himself from that behavior. You cannot fault a child for his angry feelings, but you can instruct him that his responses to them are inappropriate. Help your child respond appropriately to anger. Explain that expressing his anger with words will feel much better than expressing it by throwing a tantrum. Lead a conversation with your child. During this conversation, ask why the child is angry and allow your child to express himself while you actively listen. In the conversation, address the choices children can make when they are angry and evaluate which are good and which are not so good. Suggest better ways of handling their anger, such as by telling them, ̶0;Instead of throwing your toys when you are angry, how about you come find me, and we̵7;ll talk about it and do something about it?̶1; For younger children, you can precede such a conversation with a calming ritual, such as by taking your child to a quiet room, playing calming music or using aromatherapy. Allow older children to lead the conversation; your main role is to provide feedback and lead them to the best decisions. Relax together. Repeat your previous calming ritual or engage in another activity that will lighten the mood. Each child has his own preferences, so choose something you know your child will respond well to. For younger children, simply moving to a non-stimulating environment can work well; for older children, consider finding them another task to focus on, such as playing a card game or going for a walk. Such an activity can become a ritual for you and your child to share; it can also double as a bonding experience.
