How to Survive a Preteen

Kids age 9 to 12 are often called preteens or tweens, and just like their teen counterparts, they are undergoing almost daily changes physically, emotionally and socially. As a parent of a preteen, you need to understand these changes, encourage the growing independence and communicate with your child to help both of you survive and even thrive during this stage of growth and development.

  1. Embrace the New

    • We̵7;ve all heard about how hard parenting during the teenage years can be, but playing that role during the transitional years leading up to it can be just as tough. According to clinical psychologist and parenting coach Dr. Laura Markham, preteens are already enduring hormonal changes that can lead to sudden and frequent mood swings, ones they may not understand themselves. ̶0;What̵7;s more, their brains are undergoing an extensive re-wiring, which can make them emotionally volatile,̶1; Markham says. Keep this in mind when your child has a tantrum or meltdown so you don̵7;t take her tears, shouts, or ̶0;you̵7;re embarrassing me̶1; complaints personally. Allow her the extra space she needs now, while still letting her know you̵7;re there to talk and listen when she̵7;s ready.

    Upgrade Family Rituals

    • Keep you and your preteen grounded during this time of upheaval by sticking to routines and family rituals while tweaking them to meet her new needs. For instance, if you always read your child a bedtime story, she may not want that anymore, but perhaps you can read side by side at the end of the day instead. KidsHealth.org also suggests creating new rituals to celebrate smaller things with her, such as a going out for ice cream to celebrate a good report card.

    Accept Greater Independence

    • Gone are the days when you are the center of your child̵7;s universe; your preteen̵7;s friends quickly take over as her sun, moon and stars. Along with this switch-up, your tween will begin the important pulling away necessary to become an independent adult. Dr. Markham warns that parents often make up for feeling less powerful in their child̵7;s life by becoming overprotective and using ̶0;power-based punishment strategies.̶1; Avoid this by coming to an agreement with your preteen on rules and limits, along with consequences for breaking them. Then step back and let her take on the responsibility she needs and craves.

    Keep Communication Open

    • When your preteen starts pulling away from you with friends and new activities, it̵7;s important to continue to be the solid foundation she needs to anchor it all. This ̶0;connection provides a sense of security and helps build the resilience kids need to roll with life̵7;s ups and downs,̶1; according to KidsHealth.org. Be open and honest with your tween about your expectations for her, and provide low-key, one-on-one opportunities for her to open up to you about her ideas, fears, hopes and concerns. Also, realize that you may not always agree, but through respectful communication you can stay connected.

    2. Previous:

    Next:

    • Activities to Keep Siblings From Fighting
      Name calling. Tattle-taling. Hitting. Sound like the day in the life of the average multiple child household? Certainly. Contention is a normal part of family life. Every relationship has conflict – it’s normal and inevitable to disagree.
    • How to Find Play Groups For Toddlers
      If you are a parent, you may be in search of toddler play groups for your young child. Play groups can help your child develop social skills at a young age, and allow you to get some work done or relax. Fortunately, there are plenty of resources for
    • Craft Projects for Parent Groups
      If your parenting group has lost its pep, and members are silently beginning to drift away, get everyone excited about meeting again through craft projects you can share. Parents, especially, love to talk about their familys accomplishments, includin