How to Deal With Back Talk From Children

Children sometimes use back talk as a way to get your attention, but young kids also talk rudely when words fail to convey their feelings or emotions, according to Dr. Judith A. Myers-Wells, human development specialist and instructor at Purdue University. Teaching your children to respect you takes effort by both you and your kids. The respect project begins in early childhood with firm guidance from you and praise for your child's positive behavior in following directions and respecting you. Some simple steps help to develop a tradition of respect, and eliminate back talk, in your family.

Things You'll Need

  • Copies of house rules
  • Bulletin board

Instructions

    • 1

      Set written rules that outline how your family defines respect and back talk. Ask your children to work with you to set the specific standards for smart-mouth language and establish the punishments for failing to show respect by talking back. State rules in a positive manner, and use specific examples to avoid ambiguity. House rules might set a time limit for children to turn off the television when you ask them to go to bed at night.

    • 2

      Make a copy of the house rules and post it in a common area such as a bulletin board in the kitchen. Make a picture sheet for children without reading skills. When children begin back talk, verbally remind them of the house rules.

    • 3

      Enforce the rules against back talk through consistent enforcement. Uneven enforcement gives children a mixed message, according to KidsHealth. Follow the discipline rules and the punishments outlined in the family regulations, even when you're extremely angry and want to make the consequences more severe.

    • 4

      Talk about back talk with your children in a calm discussion immediately after the incident where your child used inappropriate language to you or other adults. Suggest the appropriate language your child can use as an alternative to smart-mouth comments.

    • 5

      Discuss with your children how back talk makes you feel and how it shows lack of respect for you as the parent. Reinforce that you're the boss, but respect your children by listening to their concerns.

    • 6

      Model respect for others and avoid talking back to other people in authority. Your child learns by watching you and follows your actions.

    • 7

      Monitor your child's television and film watching and listening habits to avoid poor modeling from outside influences. Young children and preteens fail to understand the complexity involved in edgy humor and satire, and typically model the sassy behavior shown in media. Kids frequently repeat back talk from shows and films in family situations, according to Common Sense Media. Online chat also influences your kids to use smart-mouth comments. Talk with your kids about the origin of unusual back talk to help monitor outside influences.

    • 8

      Praise your child immediately for following directions without any back talk. Use comments such as, "I'm so pleased that you turned off the television and put on your pajamas so fast after your dad asked you to get ready for bed."

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