How to Cope When All Your Children Leave Home
When the last child moves out to attend college or start his new life as an adult, a parent typically experiences several emotions all at once. It's normal to feel sad, lonely, unnecessary or, on the other hand, happy at being able to focus on yourself instead of the children. Embrace the positives of this new situation, and prepare yourself for a different relationship with your children. From now on, your child may need you to be more of a friend and less of a parent. This can be difficult, but remember that it means you did your job well.
Instructions
Let yourself cry. It's natural to feel a sense of loss and sadness when the last child leaves home, so don't try to ignore these feelings. Acknowledge the sadness and let yourself cry for a few minutes when you feel the urge to -- but don't lie in bed and sob all day. Allow yourself to feel the sadness for a few minutes, then think about something positive, like the accomplishment of having successfully raised your children. Lean on your partner or friends. You've been busy and distracted taking care of the children; now is the time to think about yourself and your other relationships. Go out to lunch with a friend you haven't seen in a while, or go for a long walk with your husband. Don't let yourself talk too much about the children. Focus instead on discussing each other's interests or current events. According to a study done by the Association for Psychological Science, many married women enjoy their marriages more once the children are all gone. Get busy with activities. Now that you don't have to devote all your time to parenting, think about improving yourself and helping people around you. Sign up for yoga or Spanish lessons, or start volunteering with a soup kitchen. These activities will help distract you from missing the children and may help you meet new people. Rearrange your home. Don't remove all photos of your children, but don't let your refrigerator be a shrine to them. Post reminders about upcoming events that you're looking forward to or artwork that makes you happy. And now's the time to make changes to your home that weren't possible while it was full of children. Turn the messy rec room into a formal living room, or start converting a child's bedroom into the art studio you've always dreamed of. Even small changes like putting a vase of flowers in the kitchen can help you appreciate having your home back for yourself. Get in touch with your kids once you've adjusted to them being gone. You don't want to make incessant phone calls from the minute the last child leaves, but after a few days of separation, you can call to check in. Arrange a communication schedule with each child. Agree that you'll have a 30-minute phone chat each Sunday, or that you'll keep in touch primarily through emails. You may also want to keep in touch through web chats, so buy a web cam if your computer isn't already equipped with one. Get a pet. If you're lonely, adopt a cat or dog or even a goldfish. Many empty-nesters miss taking care of others and the feeling of being needed, and having a new creature around will add some excitement and energy to your home. If you're not an animal person, plant some flowers or a vegetable garden that you can care for. Plan the next get-together. Schedule a weekend to visit one of your children, or plan activities for the Thanksgiving visit when all the kids will be home. Looking forward to the next time you'll all be together will keep you from being sad that you're apart right now.
