What Do I Do When My Gifted Son Is Punished for Questioning the Teacher?

Gifted children who are highly intelligent often pose problems for teachers because they use their advanced reasoning skills to question authority. As a parent, you might feel tempted to side with your son but it's important to analyze the situation objectively. If your son has valid reasons for questioning the teacher, talk to the teacher or principal about the punishment. Otherwise, support the teacher and discuss with your child ways he might respect, appreciate and respond positively to his teacher.

  1. Focus on Behavior not Intellect

    • Regardless of your child's intellectual abilities, you want to get to the root of the problem. Talk to your child about his interactions with his teacher and stress the importance of showing respect, asking questions kindly, understanding her role in the classroom and submitting to her authority. Gifted children often catch a teacher's mistakes and see her shortcomings, so they need to be instructed as to how and when they should speak up and when they should keep it to themselves. Encourage your child to go to the teacher privately to question her comments or decisions, rather than embarrassing her in front of the class.

    Assess the Punishment

    • Ask your child to describe the circumstances that led to the punishment and assess the punishment itself. For example, if your child's teacher put his name on the board for pointing out the teacher's blackboard mistake without raising his hand, encourage your child to follow classroom rules. Or if your child had to sit out of recess for 5 minutes for disagreeing with the teacher's playground rules, talk to him about respecting authority. Supporting the teacher's authority shows your willingness to partner with the teacher and hear both sides before defending your son's behavior, says award-winning principal Eric Sheninger in his article in USA Today. For more severe punishments, such as being sent to the principal's office, losing entire recess privileges or being isolated from the rest of the class, talk to the teacher about your disapproval of the severity of the punishments.

    Set a Good Example

    • Even though you aren't part of an elementary classroom setting, you can set an example by respecting authority figures in your life. For example, if you get pulled over for speeding, admit you're at fault and don't question the officer. Or if your boss wants you to re-do an assignment, don't complain about your boss to your son, question his authority or talk badly about your boss's decisions. As your son witnesses your positive and non-questioning approach to authority figures, he'll likely follow in your footsteps. Teaching your children to respect you, themselves and others will likely carry into adulthood, says psychologist Jim Taylor on Psychology Today.

    Teach Positive Ways to Address the Teacher

    • Your son may encounter times when he really needs to question the teacher about something. Possibly the teacher misspoke, forgot the class schedule or taught incorrect information. When your child privately addresses a mistake with the teacher in a one-on-one conversation, teach him to ask about the error, rather than reprimand. For example, he might say, "Mrs. Smith, is my math problem incorrect or did I miscopy it from the board?" Or, "Mr. Jones, according to the class schedule, we have art today not music."

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