How to Teach Kids Not to Hurt Others With Their Words and Actions

Teaching kids how to act properly toward others is not a simple affair -- obstacles such as the differences between the adult world and the world of children can impede progress. But knowing when and how to intervene and solve conflicts between children can help advance their social skills -- and lower the occurrences of hurtful words and actions in the home, school and wherever the child interacts with others.

Instructions

    • 1

      Decide when to intervene. Know the difference between childish behavior for the sake of fun and that which stems from antagonism. According to psychologist Haim Ginott, author of the book ̶0;Between Parent and Child,̶1; sometimes for children name-calling is just a way of showing closeness, such as poking fun at the way a peer from the South says ̶0;ya̵7;ll.̶1; Pay attention to both the intention of the actor and the response as well as feelings of the receiver. Intervene when you can tell a child is intentionally trying to hurt another, such as when a child continually calls another a negative nickname. Pick your battles carefully to avoid being overbearing .

    • 2

      Lecture about the behavior, not the kid. Intervene by explaining why a certain type of speech or actions can be hurtful, avoiding ̶0;picking sides̶1; between children. For example, instead of saying, ̶0;You̵7;re rude,̶1; say, ̶0;Telling others to ̵6;shut up̵7; is rude.̶1; In this way, you teach proper behavior instead of drawing a line between ̶0;bad guy̶1; and ̶0;victim.̶1;

    • 3

      Moderate the conflict. Offer alternative actions that can replace the hurtful words or actions. Engage your children in a group discussion on how to solve a similar problem in the future. For older children, you can allow the children to lead the discussion, as their sense of right-and-wrong and ability to creative alternatives are stronger. Give suggestions or alternative, positive solutions to younger children.

    • 4

      Ask for a summary. Elicit responses from all involved children, to assure that your children understand the behavior was inappropriate and how to act in a future circumstance. As Ginott̵7;s book points out, children have a different thinking style and need the guidance of parents to help come to mature conclusions. Simply asking for a summary can work with older children, but you might need to ask leading questions for younger ones.

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