Discipline Ideas for a 4-Year-Old Who Is Defiant

Environmental Control

• Children at the age of 4 are prone to distraction. Sometimes, an emotion takes control of them, leading them to inappropriate actions. But that emotion typically has a source, usually stemming from the environment. A child who ignores her parents̵7; call for nap time because she̵7;s watching television could be inadvertently defying her parents because she̵7;s too involved in the television program. Turning off the television would be one form of environmental control; you remove the stimulus causing the defiance.

Privilege Restriction

• By the age of 4, children are learning about freedom, most of which comes from parentally given privileges. A girl playing with her toys after dinner can do so because her parents allow her to do so. But she might not be willing to put those toys down when bedtime comes. According to psychologist John Gottman and his co-authors in ̶0;Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child,̶1; a recommended practice is using discipline that shows parental disapproval of the misuse of privileges by taking away given privileges. For example, a parent might remove her son̵7;s privilege to play video games for a day if he doesn̵7;t put down the controller when asked.

Warning Systems

• Developing a warning system works well with younger children. A warning system is a verbal system that tells children that they are acting inappropriately but does so in a way that allows children a chance to correct their behavior before receiving discipline. For example, you might devise a ̶0;traffic light̶1; system, in which you state ̶0;yellow light̶1; when your child is doing something wrong. You then give her some time to correct her behavior before stating ̶0;red light,̶1; which means an intervention and consequence.

Ignoring

• Some acts of defiance are driven by a desire for attention. A counterintuitive but sometimes useful way of disciplining a defiant 4-year-old is by ignoring her attempts at gaining your attention. You should only use ignoring when the misbehavior itself is not dangerous, severe or obstructive to you, such as in a child hiding her own gloves when you tell her to put on her gloves. In this case, instead of disciplining her for her defiance, you would simply feign ignorance, saying, ̶0;Well, keep looking. If you can̵7;t find them, we̵7;ll leave without them. You̵7;ll just have to put your hands in your pockets to stay warm.̶1;