Teaching Children to Earn Privileges

Privilege vs. Need

• Children should understand that a privilege is special and can be earned by doing the right things every day: A privilege is not something the child gets just because the child wants it. Help children understand privilege because, from a child̵7;s perspective, it can feel the same as need. For example, children need to bathe, but bubbles and toys in the bath are an earned privilege. Eating dinner is necessary, but allowing a child to choose the menu can be a special reward for good behavior.

Earning Privileges

• When children earn privileges it adds value to the privilege while encouraging positive behaviors, suggests Dr. Phil of TV fame. ̶0;San Diego Family̶1; magazine recommends starting the day by allowing the child to choose between five and eight privileges that fit into your schedule. Privileges can be playing at the park, a picnic in the backyard, watching a favorite TV show, making a special craft or having a friend over to play. Write the privileges on sticky notes or a whiteboard. When the child completes a chore or exhibits the appropriate behavior, provide a sticker or star on a points chart as reward. Teachers can implement a similar program, using poker chips to reward positive behavior. Once a child obtains a certain number of chips, chips can be cashed in for privileges such as choosing a book for storytime, being the teacher̵7;s assistant or getting a drink whenever the child wants.

Losing Privileges

• Although parents and teachers prefer to reward positive behaviors, the consequence of losing a privilege can also help shape a child̵7;s behavior. When a child exhibits a negative behavior, name the behavior followed by the privilege he or she could lose. Let the child know that you will begin counting to three and, if you reach three, the child will lose the privilege for the day. Slowly count and follow through with the consequence. In the classroom, teachers can take a chip as a consequence of negative behaviors. Remember, the child will have an opportunity to win the privilege another day, and you should remind the child that future choices will determine if you reward the privilege.

Programs and Tools

• Available tools can help parents and teachers develop responsible children through privilege programs. In addition to the stars and points charts, sticky notes and poker chips, use chore and homework charts to track progress. An allowance may prove useful in not only teaching children to earn privileges, but also in teaching them to manage money and save what they earn for bigger rewards.