How to Deal With a 3-Year-Old's Tantrums

Young children sometimes cry, yell, kick, hit, throw things and hold their breath when they're told do something or discover they can't have something they want. Such tantrums are a normal part of development. They're the child's way of dealing with frustration and his limited ability to express himself verbally, the Colorado State University Extension explains. There are ways, though, to minimize them.

Instructions

    • 1

      Show your child how to behave by modeling good anger management. Listen carefully when your child tells you something is wrong. Clearly tell the child that you'll try to resolve the problem because she told you what the problem is, rather than having a tantrum. Set clear age-appropriate standards, and praise your child when she behaves appropriately. Teach understanding and empathy by showing your child how her behavior affects others. Determine your child's limits and what triggers her tantrums, then try to avoid those situations. Keep objects that are off-limits out of sight. Offer your child choices, and allow her to control little things. Choose your battles -- say "no" only when the request is unreasonable.

    • 2

      Remain calm and try to ignore the tantrum if it's mild and the child isn't hurting himself. Another tactic is to distract or redirect the child. For example, offer your child a replacement for a coveted object, replace a forbidden activity with an acceptable one, take your child to a new location or just make a funny face. If the tantrum is severe, isolate your child for 3 minutes -- that is, one minute for each year -- preferably in a cheerful, but quiet area that has little else in it. Don't talk to your child during this period, but you might have to remain with him if he won't stay in "time out." Hold him if he might hurt himself or others.

    • 3

      Talk to the child about what upset her and how she might have handled the situation more appropriately when she calms down. If the child's request was reasonable, but you didn't understand it because the child had a tantrum rather than telling you what she wanted -- tell her so. Tell the child that if she had told you what he wanted, you would have granted the request. Also tell the child that you can't grant her request this time, but you will grant her request next time if it again is reasonable and she explains what she wants rather.

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