Impulse Control Techniques with Children

Clear Consequences

• If your child knows what consequences result from bad behavior, he is more likely to comply with what is expected of him. If you are consistent with following through on consequences, he is even more likely to attempt to control his impulses. For example, simply saying "do not pull your sister's hair" may not be enough to curb his hair-pulling enthusiasm. If, however, you say "I will take away your firetruck if you pull your sister's hair," and if you have followed through in the past, he is more likely to keep his hands to himself. Even more effective are occasional reminders. "What will happen if you pull your sister's hair? That's right. I will take away your firetruck."

Removal From Environment

• Sometimes a child can benefit from being removed from the impulse trigger. If your child can't walk past the pantry without sneaking a cookie and repeated verbal reprimands have failed, you may simply have to hide the bag. If your children are engaged in a rapidly escalating argument, some time apart may be warranted before they can be calm enough to carefully choose civil words.

Calm Down

• Teaching your child self-calming techniques also can teach impulse control. If you see your son getting frustrated because his toy structure he built keeps falling apart, teach him to put his hands down for a minute and count to 10, rather than throwing the blocks. If he is getting frustrated while playing a video game, have him pause the game, close his eyes and take five deep breaths rather than hitting or throwing the controller against the floor.

Pay Attention to Feelings

• Teach your child to become aware of her own moods. As she becomes agitated or frustrated, ask her how she is feeling and why. When she is happily engaged in a task, ask her what her mood is then and how it differs from when she is irritated. Explain to her the connection between how she is feeling and her ability to control her temper. Teach her that she has the power to control her impulses by anticipating them based on her mood. For example, if her younger brother is irritating her, she can recognize that she is feeling cranky and walk away from him before she yells or hits him.

Teach Delayed Gratification

• Place temptation in front of your child and ask him to wait before indulging. For example, if your child is to receive a cookie as his after dinner treat, place the cookie on the table beside him as he is eating his dinner. Tell him that if he touches it before his dinner is finished, you will take it away and he will get no treat. If he listens properly and does not touch the cookie, let him eat it after his dinner.