How to Deal With an Angry Twelve Year Old Boy

Dealing with an angry 12-year-old boy is difficult, emotionally demanding and confusing. One issue that complicates dealing with the anger of 12-year-olds is adolescence and more specifically, puberty. The Ohio State Medical Center claims the average age boys begin puberty is between 9.5 and 14, so there is a good chance hormones are involved with the anger. It's essential that you accept that hormones may cause moodiness, but also treat the child's anger as legitimate and valid.

Instructions

    • 1

      Ask what the problem is in a calm, sympathetic voice. If the anger is directed toward you specifically, don't take offense. Acknowledge the anger but don't invite further anger. For example, say "I'm hearing that your upset with me, but I'm sure we can talk it through." Don't say "I'm so sorry I've made you angry." This implies to the child that you've accepted blame for the anger. While you may be at fault, this isn't the time for apportioning blame.

    • 2

      Acknowledge the reasons given for the anger. You've asked to be told the cause, so you must never ignore his answer. In some cases, he may not know why he's angry. In such a case, probe a little deeper.

    • 3

      Suggest a solution. If a specific thing is causing the child to be angry, for example, he can't do his homework or you've made a decision he doesn't like, make practical suggestions to overcome the cause of the anger.

    • 4

      Deflect and try to ignore any aggressive behavior. I the child shouts, don't shout back. "I'm speaking at a polite level; I'd appreciate it if you did the same," is a good response.

    • 5

      Leave the room. Once you've given the child his options, tell him "I'm going to leave you to calm down for 10 minutes. I'll be just down the hall if you want me." It's essential that you let the child have his space. It may be that he's experiencing anxiety or confusion due to puberty and the anger is his way of externalizing this. In such cases, a little tantrum and a period of calm are all he needs to get over it. However, if the child is behaving destructively or violently, don't leave the room. Instead, calmly but assertively tell him to alter his behavior.

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