How to Help Children With Emotional Issues

Watching a child struggle with emotional issues can be the most heart-rending experience for parents. Often, in their frustration or hurry to comfort the child, parents say and do things that worsen the stress the child is facing. The secret to helping such children is to develop the ability to discriminate between situations that need immediate intervention, versus those that call for a more diplomatic approach. Most importantly, parents need to look at the way they handle their own emotions. It is imperative to make positive changes, allowing the parent to become a role model for the child.

Instructions

    • 1

      Identify the cause of difficult behavior. If your child throws tantrums, exhibits clingy behavior, is disruptive or acts unusually quiet (for no obvious reason), it can be a sign of deep-seated emotional issues. Ask your child if something is wrong and listen patiently without interrupting. Do not respond with judgmental comments or quick-fix solutions. If your child responds with anger or indifference, calmly convey that you are ready to listen when she is ready to share. Don't scowl or move away angrily when communicating this; it can increase your child's stress to think she has angered or let you down.

    • 2

      Put a label to the emotion the child is feeling. Many children do not know the right words to express what they are feeling. Use your knowledge of your child's temperament to gauge the problem. For instance, if your child says he hates school, ask him if he means that he doesn't like having to sit in class all day - or if it is something else. Provide examples of stressful events you recall experiencing when you were about his age in school. This will open the dialogue.

    • 3

      Talk about the fears and emotions your child expresses. If she says she is scared of a particular person, consider the possibility that your child is being bullied. According to Carol E. Watkins, M.D., an expert in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, it is important for parents to handle this correctly. Never belittle your child's fears or anxieties; at the same time, avoid over reacting. Don't ask her outright, "Does XYZ bully you?" Rather, introduce the topic casually by talking of your or an older sibling's experience with a bully. Speak of what you did to avoid the bullying and how it stopped after a while. When your child confesses to having such trouble, don't advise him to fight it out or use other violent means. Instead, encourage him to avoid meeting or interacting with the bully by hanging around his friends who have been loyal. Teach him strategies such as deep breathing, or counting 1 to 10, to avoid reacting to the bully.

    • 4

      Interact with your child in a manner designed to build self-esteem. If your child has a low frustration tolerance or a problem with managing anger, don't criticize her saying, "Why do you have to get so worked up?" or "You're always like this -- getting into such a frenzy for nothing." Instead, find something positive to praise, such as, "I can tell you were mad at your sister for snatching your toy. I'm proud that you thought before you reacted and calmly came up with a solution."

    • 5

      Speak with spontaneous affection to your kids. Your unconditional love will often be the biggest morale booster. Be truthful in your praise and remember to focus on the child's effort, not just the outcome. If your child does not win a prize at the dance competition, don't say, "Well, there's always another time." Instead, "Look how much fun you had on stage - you used 100% of your effort! I'm so proud of you."

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