Promoting a Positive Relationship With Children

Practice Active Listening

• Notice your behavior the next time a child is talking to you. Are you giving the child feedback and making eye contact, or are you absent-mindedly bobbing your head while your attention is elsewhere? The first step to creating a positive relationship with any child is making them feel valuable. Stop what you are doing and really listen to what the child is saying. Make eye contact. Ask open-ended questions -- ones that can't be answered by yes or no.

Give Children the Opportunity to Contribute

• Children feel important and needed when they're put in charge of tasks, even if it's only feeding the dog at home or collecting papers in a classroom. Build self-esteem in children by giving them the opportunity to help with daily chores. Include them in important family decisions and classroom elections. It's empowering to have a voice and to know certain things might not get done if you're not there to do them.

Set Clear Boundaries

• Explain to a child what constitutes acceptable versus unacceptable behavior, and enforce reasonable consequences when he crosses the line. Having limits lets a child know he's cared for. Explain that most rules are in place to keep him safe and healthy: he goes to bed at a certain time so that his body gets enough sleep; he can't play in the bus lanes because he might be injured. Don't assume that a child is just being argumentative when he refuses to take his allergy medicine -- sit him down and explain that it will make him feel better.

Be Affectionate

• Give your own child lots of hugs and kisses daily -- even older kids. If you're angry with him, don't hold onto it. Start each day out new, with a clean slate and a good attitude. If the children you are trying to develop a positive relationship with are not your own, you can still pat them on the back and dole out verbal praise and encouragement frequently. Kind words can mean the world to a child who isn't used to hearing them.