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Your Toddler's Development

Musings and insights

Your Toddler's Development I remember when my nephew was about fifteen months old. His mom and dad took him to the beach, where they sat on a bench eating an ice cream cone and watching a crane building a bridge. When he was three, they returned to the same spot and the bridge was completed. Out of the blue, my nephew asked his dad, "Where did the crane go?"

Even if your baby can't talk to you and tell you exactly what he's thinking, everything you're doing is registering and sinking in.

• I think toddlers get a bad rap. They shouldn't be labeled "The Terrible Twos." I think we should rename them "The Terrific Twos."

• Toddler is a general term, but it's mostly used for babies between the ages of twelve months and twenty-four months.

• A toddler's main interest is usually himself, so keep lots of plastic mirrors around him. Full-length mirrors at his eye level are perfect.

• Toddlers learn from using their five senses: seeing, hearing, feeling, smelling, and tasting.

• Toddlers consider their toys their most valuable possessions and won't share them easily. Sharing is a learned skill, so get yours in a social setting with other children.

• Toddlers learn who, what, and where long before they learn when, why, and how. The words "early" and "later" mean nothing to a toddler, but "Where is daddy?" "What is this?" and "Where are my shoes?" are perfectly understandable to them.

• Toddlers want everything right now. Innocent statements like, "Today we will go to the park for a walk," can create havoc when your toddler wants to leave for the park immediately.

• Once toddlers learn something, they want to do it, do it again, and do it again. Repetitious behavior like reading the same book, watching a favorite program, and doing the same puzzle over and over again is completely normal for toddlers.

• By twenty-four months, your baby should be able to say at least two or three one-syllable words in a row with purpose. For example: "My bed," "I want drink," "My teddy."

• Toddlers should be able to say words like "kitty cat" by at least the age of two. If your child substitutes easy words like "choo-choo" for "train" or "ee-ee" for "monkey," arrange for a speech-and-hearing test. Many towns offer free early-intervention programs

• Check to be sure your child can lick ice cream cones or lollipops, and does not just bite on them. If he can't lick, tell your doctor, because this could indicate a condition that is affecting his speech development.

• Expand your toddler's vocabulary by constantly introducing new words. Use the word "silverware" instead of always saying "fork" or "spoon."

• Toddlers tend to generalize objects until around age four. Don't be surprised if your child calls all meats "chicken" or all vehicles "cars." It takes time for toddlers to learn about categories.

• Let your child master challenges at her own pace. If you push her too hard to crawl down a stairway, you could end up with two problems: a toddler that's afraid of the stairs and a toddler that's afraid of you. The same is true with potty training.

• Children become their parents, so do what you can now to help them become great parents later.

• Traditions are important. Every year my mother gives the same Easter bunny to the kids to play with for a week, then she takes it away until the next year. You should see their faces light up each Easter when they see their old friend!

Fostering healthy development

• New parents often believe that kindergarten readiness means understanding the ABCs, counting, and understanding colors and writing. While these are important skills, what teachers really want to see is your child's ability to listen, focus, learn, and socialize with other children and adults. Develop these skills by having your child around other children as well as teaching your child to play alone.

• If your toddler is attached to a special item with several pieces, consider ordering a second set from the manufacturer right away. That way, if you lose a piece or if it breaks, you'll have the replacement parts.

• Everyone is different. You could be a loud family and still have a baby that prefers quiet. Whether your child is timid, loud, or free-spirited, encourage her to be happy and confident with her own personality. You have to learn to work with what you've got.

• Always put a positive spin on your child's personality when talking to someone else in front of her. Say things like, "She's always been very sensitive and caring," instead of, "She cries over everything." Your toddler is always listening to you.

• Children are born secure and then develop insecurities. Say to them, "You are not allowed to do that because you will get hurt," and "That is too dangerous to play with," instead of "You can't do that!"

• I learned that when parents make comments like "She's a diamond in the rough," they've told their child that she's different from everyone else. This may make her feel alienated rather than part of the group. Be aware of what you say to your baby, because everything has lifelong effects.

• The more your toddler learns about things, the more natural it is for her to worry about them. For example, if your toddler didn't have separation anxiety as a baby but now screams if you go into the bathroom, she's probably just needing a little reassurance.

• Being afraid of the dark goes with the program at this age. Just talk it through and reassure your child.

• Be sure to notice what's on television when baby is around so that you can minimize having her become afraid of things unnecessarily. TV is influential, so only put on programs with positive and uplifting messages.

• Did you know that many of the scary characters we see in movies are deliberately created so children can easily recognize their dramatic and intimidating features? The same is true for the likeable characters: they tend to be big-eyed and soft, and are usually shown with a blue sky, sunset, or some other appealing context.

• Never label your child. Don't call your child lazy just because he's not active right now. He may be unsure of himself, or he may just be extra cautious. And that's a good thing!

• The same is true for calling your child names like "brat" or telling him that he is "bad." Your child hears and believes everything you say, so when you use these kinds of names, you are setting yourself and your child up for trouble.

• If your toddler is afraid to be around others, don't give up. In fact, have him in the company of others more often. The more time he spends with others, the faster he will learn to enjoy being with them.

• If you want your toddler to try something, don't forget to ask. If you want him to give up his bottle, try asking, "Brandon, you're getting older now, how about trying to use a cup?" You may be shocked when he says, "Okay, sure!"

• Remember that you are dealing with a toddler, a small person with a strong personality, who wants to be the ultimate decision-maker. Start off by asking. If she says no, say "Okay, no problem," and don't ask again that day. Just keep the cup in view and she'll probably show off when she's ready.

• Using reverse psychology as a strategy works great with toddlers. For example, saying things like, "I don't want you to..." The minute you explain to a toddler what you don't want her to do, she will find a way to try it.

• Read a new book to your toddler each day at a certain time. Rituals like this are special and they are so important for your child's development.

More tips for parents

• Talk, talk, talk to your child, and make a special effort to listen, listen, listen. He is usually saying something important.

• Don't forget to notice the wind! Watching the branches of a tree is fun. Noticing the wind is a perfect way to encourage your child's imagination.

• The average toddler moves out of his crib into a bed when he is between thirty-four and thirty-six inches tall.

• The best way to weigh your fast-moving toddler is to get on the scale together, then put down your toddler and weigh yourself alone. The difference between the two weights is your toddler's weight.

• If buying shoes for your toddler has you stumped, you're not alone. Shoe sizes run this way: infants 0-8, toddlers 8½-12, and youth (4-7 years) 12½-13½.

• To estimate a toddler's shoe size, use the following equation: double his or her age and then add two for boys and one for girls. Example: for a one-year-old boy, think 1+1+2 and start at size 4. For a two-year-old girl, 2+2+1, start at size 5. This formula works for children up to age five. (This tip came straight from a children's shoe department manager.)

• My mom says the easiest way to buy shoes for your toddler is to have him stand on a piece of paper in his socks and draw a line around his feet, then take the paper to the shoe store and leave your toddler at home. You get the right size shoe and get to shop in peace. Leave it to mom!

• Many babies love older folks, so visit older relatives or stop by a nursing home—it will brighten everyone's day. Your visit also provides a good opportunity to teach your children to treat older adults with respect.

• Make everyday chores important and fun for your child and teach productivity. Watch for the mail carrier with your toddler every day and then go to the mailbox together and let her pick out the letters.

• Toddlers seem to grow faster during the summer! Believe it or not, you do have to grow a child. They need sunlight, fresh air, and lots of water.

• Once your child learns to say, "I'm not tired," remember you are in charge. Answer by saying, "It's time to go to bed, and once you lie down you'll fall asleep." Stay calm and just put her to bed or read a story if she needs to relax.

• The average parent requires eight hours of nighttime sleep and the average toddler requires thirteen.

• Bedtime for toddlers should be 7:00 P.M. or earlier. Bedtime for stressed-out parents should be 7:01 P.M. If you're tired or feeling overworked, go to bed when your baby goes to bed.

• If your toddler won't stay in bed after you've said goodnight, deal with the situation calmly, quickly, and consistently. Minimize talking, because attention rewards the behavior. Guide the wanderer back to bed. Remind him it's time to go to sleep, then say goodnight again and leave. Repeat as necessary and don't give up! They say that being a parent is a test of two wills—yours versus baby's.

• If your toddler refuses to nap, tuck a comfy blanket around him in a quiet room and whisper, "Let's pretend to take a nap." Sing a lullaby faintly. Keep your voice low and take an eternity to sing each word.

• Keep your baby in his own bedroom now, even if he wakes up in the middle of the night. Don't get into the habit of bringing baby into your bed unless you want him to move in with you for good a little later on.