Positive Rules for 2- to 3-Year-Olds

The word "no" doesn't mean much to a toddler. He understands he's supposed to stop what he's doing, but he might not understand why or what he's supposed to do instead. Creating positive rules helps a growing tot find his way in the world, while teaching him to be a rule-abiding citizen of your home. Little ones are overwhelmed easily, so create a few simple rules he can understand and follow.

  1. Keep Your Hands to Yourself

    • Without the adequate words to express frustration, sadness and anger, a toddler might feel his only recourse is to hit, bite and kick. While these behaviors are fairly normal for a little one, he still needs to learn they're unacceptable. Make a rule that teaches your toddler about respecting his body and the bodies of others. Ask how he feels when someone touches him in a way that hurts, and talk about how that's not OK with him. For instance, say "You would be hurt and sad if Emily pushed you. She would feel hurt and sad if you pushed her too. We don't want to hurt our friends' feelings or bodies." Talk about ways to handle unhappy feelings, such as jumping up and down or hugging a stuffed animal.

    Take Care of Our Things

    • Making a rule about your toddler's possessions gives him ownership and makes him feel as though he has a job to do in the house. Invoke this rule when it's time to clean up toys. Provide easy-to-reach containers for his toys. When he refuses to clean up, take the toy in question away for a day so he learns the consequence of ignoring his own mess. Use the same rule when your child leaves his clothes on the floor instead of putting them in the hamper, or when he's too rough with household objects. When he jumps on the couch in muddy shoes, talk about how the couch is clean and soft and comfortable -- and if you all don't take care of it, it will become dirty and lumpy or have to be thrown away.

    Keep Yourself Safe

    • A young child shouldn't be burdened with worry that he's about to get hurt, but he should understand that his actions can have dangerous consequences. "Keep yourself safe" is a rule that can help curb roughhousing at house and remind him to be mindful of his environment. Talk about some of the actions he might do that are unsafe, such as climbing on furniture, touching the hot stove or playing in the front yard without an adult supervising. Remind your child that you're always working to keep him safe, but that taking care of himself is his job, too.

    Trust Adult Instructions

    • It's normal for a 2- or 3-year-old to start every question with "why," and your answers might not always make sense to him. As ZerotoThree.org points out, a child this age doesn't have a complete understanding of logic yet, so while he might happily put his toys away when asked, the next minute he might refuse to put on a hat for outside play. Creating a rule that asks him to trust an adult's instructions helps him realize that even if he doesn't understand your request, you always act with his best interest in mind. Be careful to explain that he doesn't have to do what just any adult tells him; now's the perfect time to talk about stranger danger. Create a list of adults he should trust, like you, his teachers and police officers, and ask him to always come to you if an adult's instructions make him feel scared.

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