How to Talk With a 3-Year-Old About Divorce & Moving

Talking with your child about an impending divorce does not have to be a traumatic event. Children are resilient, especially during the toddler and elementary school ages. If your 3-year-old is living with both parents in the home, he probably already has an instinct that things are not going well. Talking with your child about divorce and moving to a new home is something parents dread, but it can be a positive, caring experience with the right kind of techniques.

Instructions

    • 1

      Speak to your child about the divorce before the other parent moves out, if possible. Knowing what is going to happen will make the child feel in the loop. Unexpected surprises, such as telling a child goodbye on the way to work and later telling him the parent will not return to the home, is a traumatic way for the child to discover about the divorce. The ideal situation is for both parents to be there when the child is told, to represent to them that although the marriage is breaking up, he will always be a team where the child is concerned, according to dealwithdivorce.com.

    • 2

      Agree with your spouse never to speak ill of each other to the child. Children will instinctively love both parents, even if one of the parents is not a model parent. You need to reinforce that it is OK to love the parent that is the non-custodial parent. Tell the child it is best to have a loving, happy relationship with the other parent, and that this is certainly both parents' goal.

    • 3

      Cry on friends' and relatives' shoulders, not your child's. Do not place undue burdens on the child by being emotional and making her choose sides. Do not make statements such as, "You are the little man of the house now that daddy is gone," or other statements that place unnecessary responsibilities on the child. Your child needs to be a kid, not a shoulder to lean on.

    • 4

      Reinforce with your child that although the marriage fell apart, the family will always be together in the commitment to the child, and nothing or no one could destroy that bond with the child. The statement that your child needs to hear repeatedly is that the breakup of the marriage is not his fault; that the problem was only between mom and dad, according to the article "Divorce Matters: Talking With Children." Instruct them that grandparents and cousins on both sides of the family will always be there for them.

    • 5

      Tell the child what changes will occur, and more importantly, stress the things that will remain the same. Tell her about her new home and enlist her help in decorating her own room, or if this is not available, her own little, private space in each parent's home.

    • 6

      Encourage the child not to have false hopes of a reunion. It can create emotional instability to have a continuing cycle of hopes of reconciliation, then the inevitable disappointments. Explain that the decision took a very long time to make and that both parents have concluded it is for the best.

    • 7

      Express to your child that he needs to ask you about anything that concerns or bothers him. Be open to this discussion after telling him about the divorce, and make it clear you and the other parent are always willing to listen to anything that is troubling him. The child may be hostile toward you for a while. This is a normal response, just treat him lovingly and be available to listen when he feels the need to talk about it. When addressing his concerns, answer factually and to the best of your ability. If you do not know the answer to something he inquires about, tell him, then tell him you will let them know when you find the answer.

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