Parental Preference in Toddlers

Toddlers can have strong opinions, including a temporary preference for one parent over the other. Whether you're this month's favorite or the one left feeling like a third wheel, keep in mind that parental preference is just a phase and soon your little one will be eager to include both mommy and daddy in everything he does.

  1. Parental Preference

    • According to child psychologist Dr. Terrie Rose, a toddler often chooses one parent as her reliable favorite because she's trying to work out her own methods of communicating emotion and focuses those efforts on one specific person to make sure she gets them down right. A toddler with a parental preference may insist on doing everything with that parent, and may rebuff offers from the other parent to play or cuddle. In some cases, parental preference lasts for a few days, while other toddlers may become attached to one parent or the other for months at a time. Toddler parent preferences aren't etched in stone, either, so a child who preferred mommy for the last few weeks may suddenly change her mind and make daddy the favorite.

    Times of Distress

    • Parental preference often tends to be tied to the parent who is the primary caregiver, especially when the child is upset or hurt. A study published in February, 2013 in the journal "Infant Behavior and Development," found that toddlers exhibit a major preference for the primary caregiver, whoever that might be, in times of distress, even when the toddler had a strong, secure attachments to both parents otherwise. However, during non-stressful times, most toddlers in the study tended to interact with both parents.

    Spreading the Attention

    • You don't have to let your toddler's self-derived parental preferences drive all of your family interactions. Parents who divvy up the child-care duties may find that their little one displays different preferences at different times. If daddy always reads him a book before bed and mommy always handles getting him changed into pajamas, a young child may develop preferences for each parent doing a specific activity. For basic activities, don't give your child a chance to exhibit a preference. Telling your toddler "It's time for a bath with mommy" or "Daddy's going to help you wash your hands now" instead of asking which parent he wants to do the activity with can head off preference battles before they begin.

    Considerations

    • Parental preference isn't a sign of a lack of love for the left-out parent. Toddlers can love both parents equally yet still feel or express a preference for one. Avoid competing with the other parent for your child's affection to avoid confusing your toddler. Instead, work together to do things as a family so your child has good memories of time spent with both parents and a strong attachment to each of you.

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