Hard Headed Behavior in a Toddler

When your toddler̵7;s hard headed, or stubborn behavior challenges your parenting skills, place a few new tools in your depleted stash of parenting resources. Toddlers test their parents̵7; ability to teach self-control while maintaining the elusive skill. You can prevent behavioral problems from escalating into behavioral dilemmas when you understand some of developmental issues that motivate your little one̵7;s stubborn behavior.

  1. Disparity Issues

    • Frustrating contradictions challenge your toddler on a daily basis as she sets her sites on impossible goals. For example, she may want to tell you about the broken toy, but her communication skills sabotage the effort, or your child may insist on dressing without help, but her fine motor skills won̵7;t permit completion of the task. The disparity between your little one̵7;s desire to sail uncharted waters and her inadequate skills to make the voyage create rough seas for both toddlers and their parents.

    Developmental Progress

    • The child development website Zero to Three reports that behaviors easily interpreted by parents as stubbornness, are actually indicators of the progression of toddler development. For example, consider the toddler who appears controlling and uncompromising. Novel experiences and people create feelings of insecurity, and the toddler finds sanctuary by attempting to control other variables and people in her environment. Your toddler̵7;s rather unyielding disposition reflects a budding awareness of self and preferences. Toddlers experiment with exercising control over their world, and typically defy their parents in their quest for control.

    Consistency and Transitions

    • Challenges and transitions are common triggers for stubborn toddler behavior. Learning to make good choices, manage anger, share and take turns are works in progress for your little one, who will require patience and practice to master these and other skills. Eliminate additional sources of frustration for your toddler by demonstrating consistency with rules and transitions. For example, if your toddler̵7;s wails result in an additional bedtime story tonight, but do not produce a bonus story tomorrow, she will be puzzled about how to respond in the future. Prepare your toddler for transitions by providing a gentle reminder a few minutes prior to the event. For example, ̶0;I know that you like to visit the park, but after you feed the ducks, it will be time to go home.̶1;

    Validate Objectives and Provide Alternatives

    • Use empathy to communicate to your toddler that you recognize what she wants to achieve and how she feels. ̶0;I know that you love to wear the blue dress, but it's in the washer right now. We can play outside on the swing after we choose another dress.̶1; Your toddler is more likely to engage in a new behavior when she feels understood and receives an attractive alternative behavior.

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