How to Deal With a Teen Who Dislikes His Father

Understand that everything your teen̵7;s parent does is a potential form of embarrassment, advises Carl Pickhardt, Ph.D., a Texas-based psychologist. When your teen goes through a period of disliking his father, it could very well be because his father has embarrassed him in some way. It doesn̵7;t have to be anything you consider even remotely embarrassing; teens have emotions that you may not understand. For example, your teen might grow to dislike his father because of the way his dad dresses or the way he laughs at his own jokes or the job he has. Your teen might view these things as embarrassing because he sees the fathers of his friends in a better light and is ashamed of his own. To deal with this, try talking to your teen and getting to the bottom of his feelings by asking him what dad has done to warrant this intense dislike.

Talk to your teen̵7;s father about resolving conflict by treating your teen with more respect, advises Terri Apter, Ph.D., author and senior tutor at Newnham College at the University of Cambridge. Often, teens dislike their fathers because they feel as if their dad doesn̵7;t treat them like the adult they believe they are. For example, if your husband makes it a habit to ask your daughter if she has her car keys or if she has enough lunch money before she leaves the house, he might view these questions as being protective and responsible. She, on the other hand, might view them as reflecting a lack of trust. She might take questions like this as a verbal confirmation that her father thinks she̵7;s an idiot, or a child who isn̵7;t responsible enough to remember her keys or her lunch money. By talking to the teen about this habit, he might be able to win back some of her respect and she may decide to like him again.

Keep your words kind when speaking about your teen̵7;s father, according to Jacqueline J. Kirby, Ph.D., CLFE, parenting specialist and former assistant professor at The Ohio State University, and Katherine Dean, graduate student from the university̵7;s department of Human Development and Family Science. Dealing with a teen who dislikes his father could be necessary because you̵7;ve said one too many negative things about him to your teen after your separation or divorce. For example, if he̵7;s heard you say that his dad isn̵7;t paying his child support on time or that he cheated and that̵7;s the reason your marriage ended, your teen may develop a dislike for his father, believing his father doesn̵7;t love him enough to pay for him or to keep your family together. Keep your words positive at all times.

Stay on the same page as your teen̵7;s father, Kirby and Dean advise. No matter what your relationship is like, if your teen dislikes his dad, it̵7;s your job to work together to end this conflict. Make parenting decisions together, and learn to be around one another so you and your teen̵7;s father aren̵7;t missing important events in your teen̵7;s life, such as birthday parties and high school graduation. The more you work together, the less likely it is that your teen will continue to dislike his dad.