Do Teenagers Deserve Privacy?

Privacy isn̵7;t a major issue in the family when a child is young, but when that child hits her teen years, privacy seems to become the center of many arguments and concerns. In Mom̵7;s eyes, too much privacy is a danger, as teens can be rather stupid in their independent decision making. In a teen̵7;s eyes, privacy is essential, as without it, Mom would always be breathing down her neck about every small thing. Teens really do need their privacy, and moms should find some leeway in how they give it.

  1. The Teen World

    • When kids reach their teens, their world changes -- both inside and out. The internal workings of their world shift from those of ̶0;what my parents taught me is right̶1; to ̶0;what I believe is right.̶1; Teens greatly emphasize their own autonomy and personal identity. It is the new social environment that drives this change. The teen social world is of utmost important to most children, as most teens looking to define themselves look to their peers. Teens begin to get their information, ideas and beliefs from their peer groups, whereas at younger ages they were more willing to turn to their parents for such things.

    Privacy in Mom̵7;s Eyes

    • For many moms, the witnessing of a child entering his teen years can be heartbreaking. Suddenly her child isn̵7;t so easy to communicate with. He̵7;s sharing fewer things. He̵7;s spending less time with his parents and more time alone or with his friends. Moms naturally want to know what̵7;s up -- or what̵7;s wrong. Letting a teen weaken his bond with his parents isn̵7;t easy for mothers, and moms who notice their kids suddenly being less willing to share the goings-on of their lives might worry that their kids are getting involved in dangerous or unethical activities. For a mom, privacy is hard to give, because giving it usually means more anxiety.

    Privacy in a Teen̵7;s Eyes

    • A teen̵7;s view of privacy is almost the polar opposite of that of a parent̵7;s. Teens believe that their world differs greatly from the adult world. While in the past they were willing to discuss problems with Mom and solicit advice from Dad, during the teen years, kids are more prone to figuring out their problems on their own. After all, in their eyes, their parents don̵7;t know how to help -- Mom and Dad don̵7;t understand the teen world. Hence, teens have to deal with their issues on their own, at least in their eyes. For a teen, privacy is less of a way of weakening the family bonds and more of a way of strengthening the sense of autonomy.

    The Final Word

    • Counseling psychologist Michael Riera gives parents of teens advice in his book ̶0;Uncommon Sense for Parents.̶1; He emphasizes the fact that teens are less willing to give up personal information about themselves and about their affairs when parents actively elicit such information. Rather, parents who take a softer approach are more likely to get a teen talking. Riera stresses the idea of being the teen̵7;s "consultant" instead of being the teen̵7;s boss. He suggests parents give their teens more privacy during this sensitive time, as doing so can help you gain their respect, itself leading to more open discussion. By offering your teen your ear and listening without judgment, you let her know that she̵7;s welcome to ask for your advice or discuss her problems. The parent-child bond in the teen years relies on mutual trust, which cannot be gained by an invasion of privacy.

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