How Teens Cover Up True Feelings

The years of adolescence often involve fierce extremes in emotions, leaving some teenagers feeling overwhelmed and uncertain. To cope with these challenges, a teenager may attempt to cover up or hide true feelings. As a parent, part of your job involves seeing through the smoke screens to help your teenager manage and resolve difficult feelings.

  1. Feelings 101

    • Parents usually don̵7;t need to guess when a 2-year-old feels angry or frustrated, because he̵7;ll yell and scream in response to his intense emotions. Gradually, however, as children get older, they learn to cover up true feelings, advises Alberta Health Services. Parents may contribute to a child̵7;s unwillingness to express true feelings by projecting discomfort about negative feelings such as jealousy or anger. A misconception exists that people should strive to feel happy and positive at all times, avoiding uncomfortable feelings such as fear and sadness. The reality is that all feelings are normal in response to various situations and people need to feel emotions if they are to learn to resolve them.

    Hiding the Hurt

    • By adolescence, a teenager may withdraw and refuse to share feelings if she doesn̵7;t feel comfortable expressing them. Emotional pain and hurt may manifest itself as feelings of unworthiness, inadequacy, incompetency, helplessness, shame, betrayal; she may feel misunderstood, devalued or defenseless, according to clinical psychologist Leon F. Seltzer, writing for the "Psychology Today" website. Hiding the hurt may seem like the only option when a teen doesn̵7;t want to appear weak or when she fears that others will judge, disapprove of or reject her because of the feelings.

    Dulling the Pain

    • When true feelings such as loneliness, anxiety, jealousy or fear become overwhelming, a teen may turn to negative behaviors in an effort to cope. Some teenagers drink alcohol or use drugs to make the emotional pain more bearable, warns the Partnership at DrugFree.org, an online resource from the Partnership for a Drug-Free America. Self-injury such as cutting or eating disorders are another common coping strategy for some teenagers, who release the tension of their unexpressed and unresolved feelings by hurting themselves.

    Positive Options

    • Keeping a realistic approach, you might help your teenager learn how to accept and express feelings instead of hiding them. Make yourself available as a source of support for your teenager, listening empathetically if she needs to talk, and accepting and respecting any feelings she shares. Often, just the process of expressing and talking about negative feelings provides comfort and resolution. Help your teenager learn that reaching out to others who can provide support and comfort is a positive method for resolving feelings.

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