Talking With Tweeners & Teenagers

Sometimes it can feel like you speak a whole different language than your teen or tween. A relationship that was formerly easy and enjoyable can change, seemingly overnight, into a tense and hostile one. It's important to keep an open line of communication with your teen or tween so you can both be heard and respected.

  1. Make Conversation Natural and Easy

    • Make talking natural. Don't set up a formal time or way that you want your teen or tween to talk to you, as this is only going to make her roll her eyes and shut down. Instead, look for casual opportunities to talk, such as while driving her to school, during dinnertime or during a walk together.

    Let Your Teen Pick the Topic

    • Tweens and teens are like anyone else -- they like talking about themselves and things they are interested in. Talk about things your teen is interested in, such as a favorite television show, a sport he enjoys or his hobbies. This allows your teen to get comfortable communicating openly again and leaves the door open for you to discuss more serious topics at some point, like sex or alcohol use.

    Put Yourself in Your Teen's Shoes

    • It's important to try to see things from your teen's or tween's point of view. What seems clear to you may not seem obvious to a teenager. Try to put yourself in your teen's shoes, suggests PBS.org.

    Share Activities

    • Show interest in your teen's activities and join in where possible, such as taking part in a fitness program together, joining a book club or running with your teen in the morning before work and school. Having time together and things in common can make open discussion easier. Also, let your teen be part of your activities, if possible and if she's interested. If your teen loves cooking, let her help with dinner, or take her to work with you on a Saturday to help out and show her what you do.

    Watch Your Tone

    • When you do ask questions or discuss serious topics, use a conversational and friendly tone. Avoid being judgmental or angry as much as possible, as this can make your teen afraid to talk to you. If you don't know the answer to your teen's or tween's questions, simply say, ̶0;I don't know, but we'll find out.̶1; If you feel uncomfortable with the topic or can't find the info you need, don't hesitate to bring your child to her doctor or guidance counselor for more information.

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