How to Talk to Teenagers Without Coming on Too Strong

Overnight, your child transitioned from sweet innocence to the emotional volatility of adolescence. Once, she came home bubbling with stories from school; now, conversations can feel awkward and one-sided. Open communication is critical to guiding your teen through the tumult of adolescence, so be persistent and don't take your teen's emotions personally. Let your teen know that she is a respected and valued member of the family and that she can always come to you for help and support.

Instructions

    • 1

      Listen before you speak. Good listening skills are important in any relationship, but they are essential when dealing with teenagers, who often feel vulnerable and defensive. Before you initiate a conversation with your teen, put aside all distractions and give him your full attention. Make eye contact, acknowledge his opinions without criticism and keep silent twice as much as you speak.

    • 2

      Avoid accusations and criticisms. Start conversations on a positive note and move into serious subject matter with questions rather than statements. For instance, you might initiate a conversation about academics with praise for good grades. Address a poor grade by asking your teen if she is struggling with the subject matter, rather than accusing her of laziness.

    • 3

      Respect your teen's privacy. While it's important to stay involved in your teen's life, it's equally important to accept that he is developing a life independent from yours. He may wish to handle relationships and academics on his own.

    • 4

      Include your teen in everyday conversations. If you only sit down with your teen to discuss serious subjects, any conversation you have will feel forced. Instead, make time for lighthearted conversation about school, community happenings and even politics. Let your teen know that you're interested in hearing her opinions.

    • 5

      Allow your teen to negotiate. You are still the parent, but your teen is growing into adulthood. Respect his ability to make mature decisions and allow him some autonomy. For instance, you might put the curfew time up for negotiation.

    • 6

      Help your teen to think for himself. Most adolescents don't respond well to lectures or threats. Discuss potential scenarios your teen might face and help him think critically about the consequences. For instance, ask your teen what might happen if he focuses all his energy on sports instead of academics. Ask him how he'll feel if his classmates get accepted to colleges and he is left behind.

    • 7

      Offer praise. Unrelenting nagging and criticism will make your teen resentful and insecure. While it's important to guide your adolescent, it's equally important to make her feel confident and able. Talk to your teen about her strengths and talents. Express confidence in her abilities to succeed in the future. Let your teen know that she is loved unconditionally.

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