Listening Skills for Teenagers

Active Listening

• You may find, as a parent, that a teenager tends to form a rebuttal in his head as you are trying to talk, lecture or explain something to him. When trying to come up with something to say or waiting for his chance to speak, he is not actually listening to you. Active listening means focusing on the person who is talking. You're not focusing if you're trying to remember what your comeback will be. Teaching a teenager to listen actively means teaching him to focus on the speaker, ask questions about what was said, listen without judgment, repeat what was said and then respond. Active listening may strengthen bonds among parents and teens and among teens and his friends.

Model Good Listening Skills

• Expecting your teenager to form good listening skills on her own is impractical. If you're constantly interrupting, lecturing and accusing your teen instead of focusing on what she has to say, you're not setting a good example. In order to show your child the proper way to communicate and listen effectively, you'll need to model good listening skills. When speaking to your teen, teach yourself to ask questions instead of lecturing. Invite your teenager to communicate her feelings or frustrations. When she responds, make sure you're understanding her message clearly by repeating what was said in the form of a question. ("You're saying that you're upset with your best friend, right?") Encourage her to elaborate by asking questions such as, "How does that make you feel?" or "What happened next?" Ask questions that require a lengthier response instead of yes or no answers. Provide advice after you have received your teen's idea for a solution. Being a good listener helps to show teens that you care and it also shows them how to listen effectively.

When Speaking to Teens

• For adults, teenagers can be quite confusing. Sometimes they don't say what they mean or mean what they say. This is why it is important to understand how to speak to a teenager and learn what to do and what not to do. When speaking to a teenager, it is important to show interest in what he is telling you. If you seem bored or distant, it is likely that he will catch on and completely withdraw from the conversation. Instead, maintain eye contact and get away from all distractions (Turn off the TV; ignore the phone.) Listen patiently. Do not rush him to finish the conversation. Do your best to avoid ignoring him. Wait for him to finish what he has to say before rejecting an opinion. Respect his individuality and opinions even if they differ from your own. It is also wise to watch for nonverbal cues like facial expressions or changes in energy levels when talking about a specific subject to better understand what he is trying to say.

Listening Skill Projects

• In order to help a teen build better listening skills, there are a wide array of projects that she may participate in. One example is a mock job interview. Not only will she learn to listen effectively but she'll also be able to prepare for future job interviews. In this activity, help her choose a particular job. Go over the job description and qualifications. It is best to choose service jobs such as a housekeeper, private tutor or personal trainer/dietitian. First, ask her to act as the person applying for the position while you play the employer. Ask her questions regarding the job description and qualifications. For example, ask her why she is qualified for the position. She will need to remember the job qualifications in order to "land the job." Also, ask her questions about the position (for example, if she's applying to be a housekeeper, ask "What do you believe will be required of you when completing this job?"). Encourage talking and listen to her. Write down positive points from the interview. Next, reverse roles. She will be required to listen to you and write down important aspects from the interview with you. Another activity is the "blindfold walk." Outdoors, mark a starting point and an ending point. Blindfold her and and explain that she will have to walk from point A to point B by listening to your directions. During this activity, she will need to listen closely in order to successfully make it to point B. If she gets frustrated, show her support.