How to Help a Shy Teenager

Communication and Acceptance

• If your teenager is shy and awkward in social situations, ensure that he feels comfortable at home. Keep the channels of communication open so he̵7;ll come to you, and listen to what he has to say in a nonjudgmental manner. Don̵7;t make comparisons between him and his siblings or friends; shy teens are often insecure, and he is likely to be hypersensitive to feeling criticized or judged. Accept your teenager as he is so he doesn̵7;t feel as if he is disappointing you. Let him know that while you feel he might be happier if he wasn̵7;t so shy, you'll still love him if he never changes.

Honest Self-Assessment

• Shy, insecure teens often are hypercritical of their perceived failures. When she obsesses over a poorly formed sentence or a less-than-perfect social encounter, the minute discrepancy becomes a disaster in her mind. Instead of allowing this thought pattern to continue, help your teen learn how to stop the negativity on her own and evaluate each circumstance realistically: What did I say? What did I mean to say? How did others react? Did anyone else remember the faux pas five minutes later? As she learns to honestly assess the impact of her perceived social errors, they won̵7;t seem like the monstrous disasters they first appeared to be.

Role-Play and Mirrors

• Help your teen prepare for uncomfortable social situations by providing him with an arsenal of social scripts that will help to ease his anxiety. You can work together to brainstorm scripts for meeting new people, initiating a conversation or giving and receiving compliments. Rehearse the scripts with him until he̵7;s comfortable. If he feels awkward working with you, provide the opportunity for him to role-play with an adult he is close to, such as a relative or family friend, or encourage him to role-play with a close friend of his own. Alternatively, he can start off on his own in front of a mirror until he̵7;s comfortable enough to include another person in the role-playing.

Passions and Pursuits

• Confidence can go a long way in helping your teen to feel more comfortable in social situations; having something to feel confident about can get the ball rolling. If your child has loved horses since she was 3, encourage her to sign up for lessons where she can take pride in her developing equestrian skills. If she̵7;s a sports lover, enroll her in her favorite sport, where she can gain confidence on the field, socialize with teens who have similar interests and hone her skills at teamwork. If she isn't fond of extracurricular activities, provide other opportunities for her to socialize and build confidence, such as volunteer work or a part-time job.