How to Deal With Teen Girls Trashing Each Other
While some bullies are content to steal your teen's lunch money, girl bullies operate in a different manner. Gone are the physical threats of violence -- now it's all about verbal warfare. Female teens often use words and threats to tear down their opponent, which can be even more detrimental than the loss of a couple of dollars at lunch. If your daughter is involved in either side of the trashing equation, talk to her about her part in it and then report the behavior to the proper authorities before it goes too far.
Instructions
Ask your teen to talk to you about what's happening at school, if you become aware that she's involved in some teen girl trashing. If she doesn't want to talk about it, ask questions that can move the conversation toward a discussion about rumors and gossip. Say something along the lines of, "You seemed upset when you came home from school the other day, want to tell me why?" or "Why don't you hang out with Sarah anymore?" By getting your teen talking, you'll start to hear tidbits about what's really going on. Talk to your teen about her part in the girl drama. While sometimes girls simply pick on another girl, there's often a catalyst -- your daughter might have hurled the first insult or she might be engaging in an online war of words. Let your teen know that it's never OK for another girl to treat her aggressively or hurt her reputation, but remember the story likely has two sides. Go over each insult or negative comment and talk about why each simply isn't true. According to clinical psychologist Sharon Maxwell, writing at Drsharonmaxwell.com, the healthiest girls are the most resilient. Your daughter should know the difference between what's real and what reality is: another girl calling her "fat" when she's at a healthy weight is nothing but slander and can be ignored. Help your daughter come up with possible solutions. In an article for "Psychology Today," psychologist Irene S. Levine warns against fixing your teen's problems for her. Instead, help her talk out possible solutions and offer support, rather than becoming angry and coming up with your own solutions. This takes away some of your teen's independence. Stop your teen from using negative language towards another girl. When describing her circumstances, she might resort to using insults to make her feel better or try fighting fire by trash-talking or spreading rumors about her bully. If you hear negative talk, ask that your teen stop and rephrase what she's saying. Then, remind her that if she uses insults to get her point across, she's no better than her own bully. Encourage healthy friendships and a support system that helps your teen feel confident, no matter what others say. Teen girls are a lot like toddlers -- if you stop showing interest, they usually get bored and move onto the next "game." If your teen simply refuses to engage in a verbal war, chances are that her bully will get bored with it and stop.