How to Handle Teenagers with Older Friends

Teens are contradictory. On one hand, they wish to appear mature. On the other hand, they believe their world is vastly different from that of adults. These two contradictory concepts often lead them to forming relationships with older peers. As these peers can be large influences on your teen̵7;s actions, sometimes you must intervene and correct your teen̵7;s behavior. But even before that, preparing your teen to act responsibly can help you to avoid large conflicts in which your teen̵7;s older friends become the focus of the argument.

Instructions

    • 1

      Avoid intruding on your teen̵7;s private life. Dodge the possibility of setting up a paradigm of ̶0;Mom vs. my friends,̶1; which will put you at a loss. A teen with older friends often looks up to his friends, and when a parent contradicts the ideas of those friends, the teen must decide on which side to stand. So, present your opinions without making polarizing comments such as ̶0;Don̵7;t think your friends know everything̶1; or ̶0;Your friends are still just kids and don̵7;t know the real world.̶1;

    • 2

      Start a discussion focused on proper decision-making to prepare your teen for potential problems. Avoid specifically mentioning the teen̵7;s susceptibility to the peer pressure of her older friends in favor of talking about the problems themselves. For example, let your teen know that sometimes she must stand up for her values and beliefs, even if those around her pressure her to go against her principles. Address specific problems that your teen might be susceptible to as a result of having older friends, such as drinking or premature sex.

    • 3

      Address mistakes without placing judgment on your teen and his friends. For example, if your teen missed curfew because he was out with his friends, engage your teen in a discussion of the importance of making curfew. Make ideas such as responsibility and keeping one̵7;s word salient. At the same time, avoid placing blame on the people, an action that psychologist John Gottman, author of the book ̶0;Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child,̶1; states could alienate you from your teen. For example, instead of saying ̶0;Your friends̵7; irresponsibility has rubbed off on you,̶1; say ̶0;We agreed on this curfew because it makes your father and I feel safe. You said you would keep your word, and we trusted you. Let̵7;s talk about what happened.̶1;

    • 4

      Show your teen you trust her. Give her more freedom and ease up on the rules when possible. In their place, give your teen more counseling and engage in more brainstorming regarding how to deal with troubling circumstances, such as the temptation of truancy or drugs. The focus should be on proper decision-making, which can help a teen avoid past mistakes. Make your trust in her known: Tell her you understand she needs to experiment with her identity and that you̵7;ll allow her to try new things within reason. Gottman points out that children with involved but not overbearing parents -- parents who give their children adequate amounts of freedom -- have stronger decision-making skills and are better at controlling their own emotional impulses.

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