How to Jerk

HAVE THE GEAR. Although you can Jerk in anything, as Obama shows us in Exhibit 1 to the left, you don't want to get caught at the party with the wrong gear. People might think you're doing the Twist or something. Even though those dances totally aren't the same thing. You need bright colors everywhere. Nothing can match nothing else. Just go out one day after it rains, look at the rainbow, and get every color you see.

HAVE THE ATTITUDE. I know you want to get to the moves and all, but moves are 90% attitude, so you gotta have that before you ever step to the dance, yo. No, Jerking isn't the Chicken from the 60's, or the Uncle Willie from the 50's; it just LOOKS like it because you're performing the same physical movements. The attitude is TOTALLY different. You gotta ACT like your gear LOOKS. And remember, because none of your gear matches, that's how you want to act. Basically, just have the attitude of a drunk white boy who's body parts just won't sync up, no matter what he does. But, he knows this, and doesn't care any more. Just be like that. That's the attitude you gotta have to Jerk, my man!

HAVE THE MOVES. Jerking is not just doing the Kid 'N Play dances from the House Party movies, I promise. These are TOTALLY new dance steps from trained professionals that require TOTALLY new gear, TOTALLY new attitude, and TOTALLY new steps. But now that we got your gear and attitude down, it's finally time for the moves. Ok, so like I said, the Jerk was started by people who are very skilled at what they do, and you shouldn't be discouraged if you can't get it all at once. Start slow. Basically, take any dance move you've ever learned, reverse it, and pretend like you're going to fall over while you do it. That's jerking~! Also, jump up in the air at random intervals, and clicking your heels seems to be a staple. If you can't do this without falling over, that's even better. Just pretend like you didn't mean to fall over, and when you hit the ground, do a breakdancer pose. Methamphetamines help tremendously. Hallucinating, or at least looking like you are, is key. Just direct your eyes in a different direction from the one you are moving and you'll have most of Jerking down. Most of all, have fun!! Awww...you look so cuuute.